Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Silearth

My mother

Recommended Posts

After my mother's heart attack and botched triple bypass, she has been pretty much confined to a wheelchair. The past 6 months had been bad, as she started to get weaker. She fell in the bathroom one day and never got better.

 

She got stuck in a vicious circle of going to the ER, being shipped to another hospital for a week and then being sent home. Her friend would drive her home and she wouldn't have the strength to get out of the car. Back to ER she would go to start the process again.

 

She was eventually placed in a board and care to wait for medi-cal to get approved so that she could enter a more permanent facility. All the while she slipped further and further into depression.

 

She became verbally abusive to the staff and would not eat or take meds. My aunt, who lives much closer to her facility than us, called us to warn that the facility was looking to kick her out--they were looking for a family member to drive down and pick her up. My aunt told us that she could not do it and so was not picking up the phone.

 

Things got bad on our end and the wife was getting ill. We got caught up in our own problems.

 

One day, we checked our messages and there was a recording from the facility. My wife told me what my aunt had said, but I told her to call them back. They told me that my mother would not survive the night and that I should get there as soon as possible. They had been trying to reach my aunt to tell her, but she was avoiding their calls.

 

We drove the 100+ miles and made it in time to talk to her. She died within the hour. But at least I was able to talk to her. She couldn't open her eyes or even move her lips, but she could form words in the back of her throat.

 

Mom died on February 27. More than a month ago, but it is still new to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What a heart wrenching journey. I'm so glad that you and the family made it in time to see your mother off. Your story reminds me a bit of my father's passing. While en route to go visit him at the care center he was staying in he passed away. We missed him by about 20 minutes. I think missing a loved ones passing creates a sort of void in the heart/soul. When it becomes certain that a loved one will likely pass in a matter of months I think many of us imagine that we'll be there for them in their final moment. Say those final words and see them off. So when the moment is missed there is an emptiness left behind. The words we thought we'd say, or hear will never come to pass. I'm not sure if it's right to say this but I think you are very lucky to have been there for your mother at the end.

 

My condolences to you Sil and take care of yourself. *hugs*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My english fails in writing what I want to say, so just think this as a virtuell 'stummer Händedruck', a silent squeeze of your hands and feeling with you.

 

 

 

 

My best friend died because of cancer last autumn. He was fighting till the end, saying that each moment he would survive would allow the docs to learn more about his disease and that this would perhaps help to save his own kids in future. I visited him every second week and he said that I should take a tape with me and record what we would speaking. We were mainly remembering all the good and bad jokes we did as childs (we weren't angels), situations which made us laugh later at university, ...

Six month before he died he said I shouldn't visit him anymore. He wanted me to remember him as the funny person he used to be and that I should speak with his youngest kids who are now just 2 and 4 when they are older, telling funny parts of his life to them, perhaps giving the tapes to the oldest boy now 8.

 

Hard to hold back tears when I remember the last flight in a double-seated glider and he told me that he would go to cancer treatment the following week. I still have his most liked flying song in my signature: Above the clouds the freedom must be endlessly...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Our thoughts are with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Silearth, my condolences for your loss. It must have been a relief t to talk to her. Your mother had family with her at that time and this must give you some comfort, especially after racing to get to her through those 100 miles.

 

 

 

:)

 

gogo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My condolences and prayers to you and your family Sil. I'm glad you were able to be with her in her last moments.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Silearth,

 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mom a number of years ago because of botched surgery and got to be with her in the end. I am thankful for that. I don't know if this will provide any comfort since the grief is still new but a dear friend gave this poem to me when Mom died and I hope that it will give you a small measure of comfort. My heart and prayers are with you.

 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

 

(attributed to Mary E. Frye)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My thoughts are with you and your family. Im sure being able to be with her at the end was of some comfort.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you guys.

 

You are all right, being able to be there, talk to her.... Even though she could not carry on a conversation, she was able to let me know that she was aware that I was there.

 

We also had two of the kids with us. She went so peacefully that it was not traumatic for them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a bit delayed here Sil my friend, but I wanted to say sorry to you all the same.

 

Sounds like a real gutter and I can't imagine how tough it was for you.

 

I wish you and the familly the best for the future.

 

Steve.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm very sorry for loss Sil. My thoughts will be with you and your family!

 

:hugs:

 

gogo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×