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Question for parents.


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We're expecting, and while I have a lot of experience with children, I have no experience with teens. You know how your parents told you "I want you to remember how you're behaving right now, because some day you're going to have a teen just like you!"? You don't think that's true do you? Because..... I was a wild teen. And I can only imagine what's going to happen if we have a girl..... "Dad, I went to a bonfire and I.....seem to have misplaced most of my clothes, could you bring me a spare set?" I was a wild man til I hit around 30. Man, do I hope I'm not repaid for some of my wilder exploits

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We live countryside and all the action is in town. Driving license in germany is with 18. With 5 kids, 4 girls, we decided to take au pair girls each year. They are like a big sister, help with driving the kids, bring some of their culture and language.

 

I never feared my daughters from bein too wild, it was more when they were p laying in the forests and the lakes , so we bought big leonberger dogs.

 

Town and its discotheques and reading about ko-drops used... Discussing it and hiring an au pair girl for the driving and staying with the daughter.

Just try to keep the dangers small and hope they use their brain.

 

 

Our parents said to us when thy became grandparents:

When you where young we feared for unwanted early pregnancy, nowadays you have to fear for aids for your kids. You will have to fear to loose more but also better arguments.

 

It proofed to be right.

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This was intended to be more of a jovial thread than a serious one, I'm the first to admit that it's hard to know my tone when I adamantly refuse to use emoticons. Real fears and dangers and early pregnancies and AIDS are a whole separate thought. Tonight's post was just me looking back on all the times my dad heard "Now dad, before you get upset, let me explain..." and wondering how many times I'm going to hear it. In addition, I was thinking of the time I was step-dad-to-be, and remembering all the times when my first fiance's 4 and 7 year old caused little incidents, and how hard it was to keep a straight face while trying to teach and correct them some times. For example, the four year old found my old high school year book. How she got it, I'll never know, because it was on the highest shelf of the apartment, behind a box of old sports trophies. I was teaching her how to print......so, in my yearbook, she saw the f-bomb, and wrote it in permanent marker all over her room. Of all the words in that book that she could have written all over the apartment, she chose that one.Another time, the 7 year old had an incident, and the 4 year old came into our room and emphatically exclaimed "Cora pooped! It's everywhere!". Bad part is she didn't say poop. They never heard me swear, so it floored me when I heard it come out of her mouth.

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Oh , kids have fun to exchange the forbidden words at Kindergarten. When our oldest was at this age we were still students. We parents had a long discussion about money. Learning for exams reduced the jobs we could do for some money, but same time we needed good clothes and train tickets for job interrogations at companies.

So my wife got angry and said I will not hear the word Überziehungszins any longer in my life. The next evening when picking up our daughter at Kindergarten we listened to a boy who said angrily to his mother: Überziehungszins. The nurse at Kindergarten said that the kids were saying this word the whole day and she didn't know why.

Überziehungszins are the extra interests you pay when you overdraft your giro bank account.

 

Another funny episode of our second daughter who was 12, but very tall for her age, when it happened:

http://darkmatters.org/forums/index.php?/topic/17641-melkfett-milking-grease/

 

Or our oldest when working with a boy on a school project:

http://darkmatters.org/forums/index.php?/topic/17366-all-boys-become-idiots-if-a-girl-is-around/

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Growing up, as a teenager I got lots of speeches from older family members like "I know what it's like to be your age, you think you know everything, you don't want to listen, you wanna do this and that, well I remember being that age, I know what you're thinking..." And...surprise. Everyone was wrong. I was remarkably mild mannered and well-behaved, despite both my parents being the wild "black sheep" of their respective families.

 

It wasn't until I was out on my own and responsible for myself that I let loose with the debauchery. I've seen things, man, THINGS.

 

I'll never be a parent, but as a supposed "rebellious teenage wild thing" that never actually was one, my only advice is maybe spare your kids the "I remember what it was like to be your age, I know exactly what you're thinking" speeches...chances are you won't know.

 

I'm 30 now, at an age where lots of my old pals are having children...many of them daughters. It's amusing to watch them become dads. My theory is the more wild they were as young men, the more anxious they are to butcher the boys who come sniffing around their daughters.

Edited by Flix
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You know, honestly, I was thinking of that just the other day. My parents said the "I know what it was like to be your age...." line, and that's not something my kid will hear, because my parents were only half right. On the one hand, we all know what it was like to be "that" age: the energy and hormones and all that jazz. On the other hand, we don't fully know, generations are different. I am not my father, he isn't grandpa, etc. I've already thought of boys sniffing around my girl, too. I'm hoping she's have her mom's libido instead of her dad's. I'm watching my friends turn from wild ones into parents, as well. Generation XY gap is having kids older than what our parents were when they had us. My parents weren't black sheep. My dad was a good ole farm boy and my mom came from a prim and proper family. I chose to be wild not from example but for the sheer sake of being wild

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How you define wild and at which age was your wild phase?

Being 9 and climbing down the air hole into an old mine and walking underground for 3 kilometres to another exit because I couldn't climb back up?

Being 10 and freeclimbing a rock to get a young bird (jackdaw) from a nest as a pet? Telling my parents I found it on ground?

Or being 11 and smallest in the new school and class getting bullied by the bigger boys. Learned boxing from my uncle in summer breaks and I got blackmailed by school after causing 3 black eyes and 1 broken nose the first week when I was back to school? With 14 I was the tallest and this phase stopped.

Or being 15 and tuning a moped which was allowed to 25km/h to 80km/h and having 3 races against police cars which couldn't follow because I drove through corn fields to escape? At least I was smart enough to change tyres and gears the next hour. So police couldn't proof it when they compared the tyre traces with mine and tried out the speed of my moped and it was allowed.

When we were married and saw a tuned moped it turned out that the moped of my wife was at 98km/h and she got caught. Her grandpa did motorbike races and her dad repairs motorbikes

...

My last fall back into my wild boxing phase was 12 years back. Our oldest daughter was 6, the second 2 and we were at a Kirmes (kermis ,fun fair, amusement park...). We were eating in a big and overfilled 1000 people tent, sitting close to the tent planes. Which were at an angle. Then a 180 pound man suddenly was turning wild and kicking and punching around. With no place to move and he being just 2 metres away from my kids - I did a series of liver hooks before a friend and me could hold him. At hospital it turned out he had an epileptic attack and was quite happy that he injured noone.

The last fallback into my racing days was around a year back when I nostalticly bought back the first car I ever had: a NSU Prinz TTS. At 19 I tuned it from 70 to 110 horsepower. Didn't sound much, but the Prinz is a light weight car below 650kg.

---

Since I never damaged the property of others or did harm to others (with the exception of not telling the boys who started the fights that I learned some boxing meanwhile) - I would probably understand the most I did as a kid at my kids. Looking back the mine exploration was the most stupid I did. My dad was less angry at me than at the mining company who put iron rods to far away for my small size when closing the exits when the mine was shut down.

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If you have a girl, buy a shotgun ...

 

Teenagers are like Cats


How so? Well, consider:

- Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

- No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

- You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

- Even if you tell jokes as well as David Letterman, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

- No cat nor teenager shares your taste in music.

- Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

- Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

- No cat nor any teenager has ever improved anyone's furniture.

- Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Edited by Spock
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To: My daughter's boyfriend
Subject: Daddy's Ten Rules of Dating

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "Early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
* Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
* Places where there is darkness.
* Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
* Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goosedown parka - zipped up to her throat.
* Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.
* Hockey games are okay.
* Old folks' homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your going out and with whom, you have one
chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
,,,
/'^'\
( o o )
-----------------------------------oOOO--(_)--OOOo------

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After a certain point, it starts to become morbid and disgusting to me, the "joke" about fathers killing/maiming/mutilating their daughters' potential mates.

 

At first, it's like ,"aw, he really cares about her, he's going to defend her from all harms, like a good dad, so we're going to exaggerate it to comic proportions to illustrate that" Then, after the millionth joke about killing the boyfriend because he didn't act exactly correctly, it's more like "F*** this, he should just marry his own daughter."

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Cats and teenagers

Cats jump on my knees and purrr if they want food, teenage daughters jump on my knees and purr if they want money or being allowed to do something.

 

10 rules

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

 

My oldest daughter is taller than me, she is 196cm. If she wears highheels it is way more. When she bought a dress for a school ball she needed it custom made. My wife brought her to a taylor. And the very first question the taylor did was: How big is your dancing partner, your other classmates and what will you allow them to see...

When visiting a dancing school at the age of 13, dancing a waltz with a boy a head smaller was already a deadly risc, not because of me but because of my daughter. He moved his arms and hands in a normal angle at a normal girl. But it was too low even in the taste of my daughter.

She often said that she hates teenage movies because none of them shows a girl which is taller than most of the boys. She said that at parties often boys asked her to dance and then searched excuses when she stood up and revealed her 196cm.

Her size and living on countryside limited the number of her dates dramatically. This went even so far that we bought her a lightweight/low-speed car when she was 16 to make her mobile to get more social contacts. Age for a driving license for normal cars is 18 in germany.

Boys who date a 196cm girl are either collectors and my daughter learned to sort them out.

Or they are of the funny and brave type who can live with jokes why he is dating a giant and counter with a joke themself. And you can't be angry about them, even as a dad who has guns, axes, knives, a hunting license and a whole forest to make dead bodies of boys disappear.

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