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Depressed? Who wouldn't be?


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Have you ever had those times when things get to point where you just want to scream? My Doctor tells me that he thinks I am depressed and asks if would I like to discuss what is bothering me.

 

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

For the last 16 years I have been struggling to cope with declining health. Muscle pains, aching joints, physical weariness, lack of concentration and 'episodes' (the sort granny has when her mind wanders and she is no longer aware of her surooundings or what she is doing). I had to give up driving which made life harder considering my declining physical condition. I was no longer able to manage the work I was doing (delivering leaflets door to door walking 25 miles a day with 70lb of leaflets in my backpack). I got a new job in a store doing warehouse work for a while until that became too much as well, then working on checkouts until finally I was declared unfit for anything, cllassed as disabled and unemployable. Even for desk jobs, since I kept having mental lapses and memory issues, forgetting things repeatedly, etc. First the doctors said I may have Fibromyalgia, then it was M.E. then C.F.S and finally a combination of all three, but not to worry as it is not degenerative. Although my muscles will attrophy, the pains will get worse and my mental lapses and memory issues will become more of a problem. How is that not degenerative?

 

During this period when things seemed at their blackest and I was housebound with no social activity I turned to computer games as my outlet where I could blow things up, shoot baddies or hack them to death as a way of relieving frustration. It was then that I found something that made life interesting again, I discovered Sacred and online gaming! Oh those Hardcore Servers, they were my lifeline and what a community Sacred addicts were. I still miss them and have never found a game and a community that can replace them in my heart.

 

Now I am at the stage where I can walk using 2 sticks but with dificulty and have had to buy a wheelchair which I am starting to use more often and things are worse than they have ever been. I recently developed Colitis as well which has proved to be totally life changing as I have had to review everything I eat and my digestion is very irritableand unforgiving of certain foods. But here is the clincher, to treat the colitis they gave me high doses of steroids which kicked me into permanent diabetes as well! I now am suffering with blurred vision which changes focus all the time so my spectacles no longer help most of the time, extreme thirst, disturbed nights with half a dozen toilet breaks every night, physical and mental exhaustion and a host of minor symptoms too.

 

All this makes it difficult to be cheerful most of the time which prompts my doctor to think that I am depressed and ask if would I like to discuss what is bothering me.

 

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Edited by podgie_bear
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Vent it all out. We are here for you.

 

....

 

Well, that was VERY incompetent of your doctor to say it like that.

 

Unfortunately the definition of “depression” is TOO broad, and can encapsulate emotional symptoms from rage to laughter. So yes-and-no, you are “depressed”, but its “I’m pis*ed as fu*k” depressed which doesn’t sound like anything close to a normal definition of a depression. And if it keeps brewing without any form of venting, you’ll start taking it out on people around you.

 

No, smiling all the time will not fix your life problems. Don’t even try to be cheerful – that will only disguise the symptoms and make things worse. But that doesn’t mean you have to become a grumpy old sod ether. You can still enjoy the things you enjoy. You can still hang out with friends and laugh when you want to laugh. Just don’t hold that rage in – it will destroy you even more.

 

Don’t substitute your videogame addiction for something far more destructive like heavy drugs or alcoholism – those are unproductive dead ends. Maybe try building something with your hands instead.

 

And ask that idiot of a doctor if he can recommend something practical for your “I’m pis*ed as fu*k” depression. Preferably something that doesn’t involve more drugs – you have enough trouble with those as it is.

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First off, your doctor lied to you when he/she claimed that fibromyalgia, CFS and the others don't get worse.

Second, your depression is situational. There is not a single human being out there who would not experience symptoms of depression with your health issues. You are coping as best you can under really hard circumstances. It takes a great deal of courage and grit to keep going when everything hurts so bad and you don't know from day to day whether you will have any short term memory. Many people call that fibro-fog.

Colitis often occurs in people who have Fibro, CFS and other so called immune disorders. So does IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I dont know about you but talking to someone like that doctor really is not helpful to me -- all he/she wants is to hear how miserable I am. That is the one thing I cannot afford to do. The overall picture is just too overwhelming.

I've been using two canes for several years and also have a walker. I did by two of those hurry canes a couple of years ago and they are much more usefiul than the single tip canes. I'm working very hard to avoid that wheel chair. Don't know how much longer I can put that off.

Playing online games and getting involved with communities has also helped me cope.

Taking things one at a time, focusing on the day to day does help me. I still find myself crying or in a rage more often than I would like. I do empathize with what you are going through. Depression happens from time to time, don't let people like that doctor stop you from keeping on doing what you can for yourself.

Edited by Ysne58
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I just wanted to add that there are meds that can help reduce the intensity of some of those emotions. I'm using Lorazepam (also known as ativan at 1 miligram to help with mine). The emotions will pass. Yes the do come back, but they don't stay. This is a normal is unpleasant process.

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I just wanted to add that there are meds that can help reduce the intensity of some of those emotions. I'm using Lorazepam (also known as ativan at 1 miligram to help with mine). The emotions will pass. Yes the do come back, but they don't stay. This is a normal is unpleasant process.

Thank you, but no thank you. I was prescribed "anti-depressants" for a couple of years. Or so my wife tells me as I can't account for or remember that period of my life at all. It seems that I was literally a zombie with not enough intelligence to even take myself to the toilet because I have an adverse reaction to certain types of drugs. I would rather cope with the emotions than be comatose again!

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Side effects are an issue with any med. You do need to do what is right for you. I'm finally getting over my latest round with these feelings. I hope you are feeling better too.

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Reasons for depressions are never the same for two people. So it is hard to give any help. My wife has this piercing look at me and I know I have to be creative. Most often it is because a patient is depressive and most often it is because they are old, and kids&grandchilkdren live all in town and not at them at countryside. Often their pet died and they didn't want a new because they don't know who will care for it if they can't care for it any longer.

So of our 5 dogs one is somehow a therapy dog. So I say something like: darling I have no time to walk with the dog --- and I ask the patient if he could to me a favour.

Or ask a former master carpenter how to do house repairs best, or old people to scan old historical pictures and sort them in an album and have them to write below when the photos were taken and who is on.

But these are all depressions not really caused by illnesses, more that the license of birth has an too old date.

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Thanks all, but I don't think I am really depressed, more that the doctors want me to be depressed as they think I am supposed to be. I am angry at life to a certain extent but then I think that is natural in the circumstances. It makes me feel sort of "Hey I have broad shoulders, but how much more am I supposed to carry?". It just feels good to be able to scream, say what I feel and not have to tell the doctor where to shove his anti-depressants and that HE is the one who needs bloody counselling! I feel that I am coping fairly well all things considered and that I am entitled to get angry at life occasionally and not have to be constantly cheerful.

 

It helps at the moment that I am back playing Sacred 2 again thanks to GOG.com and everytime I impale a mob on my bloody great spear, or melt ones face off with a lightning bolt I see a certain doctor's face. Yep, I suddenly feel much more cheerful!

Edited by podgie_bear
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  • 2 weeks later...

Vent it all out. We are here for you.

 

Hear, hear. Sometimes, having a place to get rid of anger and frustration, and more importantly, feel understood, is all you need.

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  • 1 month later...

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