Hi there. I'm checking it out right now. I'm reading Episode One. It seems pretty solid so far.
There is one passage that I found a bit confusing, however:
Her daughter was still inside the house at this point, playing some silly game with her dolls that she vaguely resented as she worked the fields to provide food for the pair of them. Still, she was safe, and that was the point.
On the first pass, it sounds like her daughter is the one vaguely resenting her dolls. It's a minor fix. May I suggest the following?:
"Her daughter was still inside the house at this point, playing some silly games with her dolls. She vaguely resented that, as she worked the fields to provide for the pair of them, but her daughter was safe and that was the point."
That keeps almost all of your original wording intact. You and I have different writing styles, so I wanted to preserve your flavor as much as possible in my suggestion. But it does clear up a passage that can be confusing to a reader and helps keep the forward momentum of your narrative flowing.
Okay, I'm going back to continue reading. You've got a solid grasp of writing from what I've seen so far.
EDIT: Okay, I've checked out the first part. It's 5am here and I haven't slept yet, so I'm probably going to go ahead and do that, but I'll check it out some more tomorrow.
It reads well. You give a lot of good visualization to the scene, so it is easy to draw a picture in my mind of what is going on. The action taking place is clear and concise. You've got some nice touches you put in there as well. The narrative 3rd person introspective moments that you weave in with the more concrete descriptions of things helps give a sense of of connecting the characters to the world they are in.
Edited by Miquin1, 08 November 2014 - 08:06 AM.