The Joke Thread

[Delta! 939]

[Hooyaah 2,689]

If two vegans have an argument over dinner is it still a beef?

[chattius 2,295]

In the year 25025 some men are still alive

Meister Chattius finally has time to follow Gogo and Schot's invitation for the best poutine in the world. Having too much fun and appettite they lost the time. When leaving the restaurant they see a Bus of line 666 returning to the bus hall for night.

Gogo: That was the last bus to our house.

Schot: The Taxi's are on strike.

Chattius, winner of the drinking contest and pointing at the bus hall: There are more than enough busses and I have an international bus license.

Schot: I have ears and eyes of a lynx, I will guard.

Gogo: Then it is me with the lock of the bus hall.

Some seconds later Chattius appears with a bus, he parks it and runs pack to the bus hall, he appears with a second bus, a third, ..., a seventh....

Schot with all his remaining wisdom: Stop, we are only 3 and even if you see all double, seven is too much, ...

Chattius: I am not counting, but bus 666 to your house is parking behind all these busses...

[Delta! 939]

[Hooyaah 2,689]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Spoiler

You 'neek up on it.

 

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Spoiler

The tame way.

 

[Hooyaah 2,689]

A Scotsman is taking a trip in the highlands and spies a nice shady spot just under a tree where he decides to catch a wee nap.

Two bonny lasses are passing by, but always curious about the question, decide to see what Scotsmen wear under their kilt. So, as proof of their having been there, one of the lasses takes a ribbon from her hair and leaves it behind.

 

Spoiler

Later, a wee groggy from his nap, the Scotsman awakens, noticing that something feels a wee bit off. He lifts his kilt to check and says, Och, laddie! I dun know where ya been, but I see ya 'ave won the blue ribbon!"

 

[gogoblender 2,940]

gogo

[Delta! 939]

[gogoblender 2,940]

2 hours ago, Delta! said:

made me laugh

i LOVE crocs...

 

gogo

[Delta! 939]

[Hooyaah 2,689]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks over at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny?"

[gogoblender 2,940]

 

The rotation of the Earth makes my day!

gogo

[Hooyaah 2,689]

A camel with two humps is an Asian Camel. A camel with one hump is known as a Bactrian or Dromedary. But, what do you call a camel with no hump?

Spoiler

Humphrey

 

[chattius 2,295]

There are these moments in life when you notice that your son is just like you. Should you be proud or worried?

[Delta! 939]

[gogoblender 2,940]

 

 

gogo

[chattius 2,295]

Yesterday:

My wife was visiting an old lady who suffers from osteoporosis at her home. While giving an injection against the pain my wife notices some older kindergarten kids picking apples from a branch which grew over the fence and so was reachable from the road. The tree was owned by the lady who had a small garden to add some extra food because she had a very small retirement payment.

So my wife opened the window and said:

"You are not allowed to pick apples from a tree you don't own. You are only allowed to pick fallen apples from the road (*)!"

"Tante (**) you are stupid, didn't you know that we are not allowed to eat food which was on the ground for more than 3 seconds?"

Kids logic sometimes beats Albert Einstein and Steven Hawkins...

 

(*) German neighbourhood laws

(**) Tante =aunt - local slang for a female older person who is good known by the family. Not always a real aunt