Kanafire's Seventh Kingdom cast. Feedback Thread

[Erling 3]

So, as Kanafire said in her introduction, she liked to write stories, I asked if I could read of the the stories she had written and was given premission, so this thread is for others to be able to read it aswell (she gave premission to this aswell, so dont worry ) and for her to be able to get some feedback from us.

 

It's a 57 page document so I uploaded it here

click download file then fill in that little code with whatever is the the picture above it.

 

 

I will write my thoughts about the story aswell

 

I think it have a good flow, a little classic plot but still have its own little uniqueness over it

 

In my opinion it had some.. err less good sides aswell, this is what I want you to improve

I thoght the story was.. rather straight forward, hmm I have a little problem with telling you in words but some places.. it all went so easy it really felt a bit unatural (I know its a fantasy but still ), it doesent make the story bad but I think it would get a little bit more intresting if was.. a little deeper.. not just floating on the surface but to dive a little down from time to time

 

thanks alot for the story Kanafire!

 

[Kanafire 0]

Thanks for the input erling, I've noticed the same problem, I've been having writers block for some time. So I leave in the hands of DarkMatters to hopefully pull me out of this rut! ^.^

[Schot 407]

Downloading now! I'm very intrigued. And also a VERY slow reader, haha.

[Silearth 6]

I only just started--I'm not the reader I once was, lol.

 

As Erling said in his post, I feel like we are just skimming along the surface of the story, though I think the general idea of the story is a good one. I also do a bit of writing from time to time; fantasy like you, but I most of my stuff revolves around tales of forbidden love.

 

If I may make one suggestion--and this is just me talking. Vary the sentence structure from time to time and don't be afraid to throw in a rambling sentence now and again; I mean you wouldn't want to write page after page--heaven forbid, but adding one super long sentence every once in a while can be effective. But that's just the way I write and since I have neve been published....well you know.