EvilSanta

OK, so my whole life the smell of shell fish has made me feel sick - I never tried it, but I just knew I couldn't eat it. So anyway, I'm working in indonesia and taking some stick from the client that all I'll eat is "Fish and Chips" - so I decided that at 35 I should push some boundaries, you know, try some knew experiences. I tried a king prawn, had an anaphelatic reaction - you know blisters, couldn't breathe the whole thing. So now I'm thinking that my body knew I was badly allergic and the sickness sensation was it's way of telling me. Pretty weird though huh.

I've often thought that travelling back in time would be very tedious if you couldn't also change location. I mean, what's the point in, say, travelling back to 1066 if I then got to walk to Hastings? So assuming I could do both, I'd probably travel back and buy up the rights to Coca Cola which I seem to recall went for $10. Or if I have to be more aesthetic and less avaricious, I'd travel back to Ancient Egypt and see what Karnak and Amarna looked like when they were built - that'd be what 2020bce - 350bc, depending on where you are with the whole "new chronology" debate. In any event, it's a lot of years. And on to something I've always puzzled over: Why isn't a 'near miss' called a 'near hit'? I mean, if you nearly miss something don't you hit it? Hope you can help!

"The Good, The Bad and the Ugly", a defining Western made by Sergio Leone, and the last of his "dollar" trilogy, in 1966. It's a masterful reworking of a genre most had considered to be finished into a three hour spectacle that never wastes a scene or a line of dialogue. Which is saying something when you consider that there's not a single spoken line in the first 10 minutes of the film. The principle leads were never better, although Eastwood largely just goes through the motions. Eli Wallach (as the Ugly) was born for the role as the grubby mexican bandit, Tuco, with much of his work improvised - although with Wallach not speaking Italian and Leone not speaking English, direction was given in French, which probably accounts for some of that. For me though, seeing Van Cleef as the sneering villain, Angel Eyes was an inspired piece of casting and a theme which has stuck with me - playing against type. It was a theme Leone would use again in what is in my opinion the much better "Once Upon A Time in America" with Peter Fonda as the murderous "Frank" - Van Cleef was good, but there's only once reaction to seeing a clean cut, blue eyed Peter Fonda shoot a 12 year old boy: "Omg that's Peter Fonda" Referred to as "spaghetti westerns" in a way that was hoped to denegrate them, I think of this (and Once Upon A Time) as cowboy opera's which is probably appropriate given Leon's italian roots. Everyone has a theme, the film has a palpable beat and often you can't imagine a scene without Morricone's haunting music running through it. This is particularly true of the scene at the end of the desert trek with Blondie close to death and hallucinating (he thinks) the horse drawn wagon pounding toward him. And the Betterville prisoner of war camp... the torture scene of Tuco with the confederate band playing to hide the sound of his screaming... genius. And I've not even mentioned the gunfight at the end. But speaking of scenes for me it's the battle at the bridge that steals the show. Shot with 1500 extra's it's easy to see why the battle seems so real - and visceral. Famously the Spanish army built the bridge and then blew it up before Leone had his camera's running. They then rebuilt it and blew it up, again. Favourite line? Tuco's "When you gotta shoot, shoot, don't talk." A man like him would definately take a bath with a gun. I don't know how many times I've watched it - whenever I can't sleep, or feel ill, or just have "a spare 3 hours" it goes on.

Pointless convenience, that's what upset me today. Pointless convenience which it turns out is the theme for this bit of the century. The 60s built a society around love, peace and drugs. We're building a society around needing to know which way to drive down the street. And avoiding speeding camera's. And having toothbrushes that tell us how long we've been brushing. And, as in today's example, mobile phones that have built in TV. Now the last time I tried talking to the TV I was locked up - but more than that, I don't want to watch TV on my phone for the same reason I don't take a pee in the tumble dryer. If you see what I'm saying. And it turns out I pay more for a phone that's just a phone. WHAT? How in the name of sweet baby jackson and all his little oscars did that happen? Like the 6:15 from Paddington to St Leonards Warrior Square, this is headed no place good. With wireless technology and our perchant for sticking microchips in everything (see: Milenium Bug where toasters had date chips) who knows where we'll be: "Hi, you're through to Evilsanta's fridge, I'm afraid his answering machine is busy right now talking to the tumble dryer about that funny smell it leaves behind everytime it's turned on. If you speak after the tone, I'll get the magnetic letters his kids use to spell words to line themselves up in a rough approximation of what you say. Try and avoid vowels if you can, we don't seem to have many."

Blazing Saddles - Mel Brooks A lesson in how to make a funny film for Holywood from Mr Brooks, although arguably he ran out of ideas for the ending. I never get bored of this film or of quoting it to friends. It's hard to imagine that Gene Wilder wasn't cast as the drunken Waco Kid (he was a last minute substitution as the original actor - a recovering alcholic - collapsed on set, leading Brooks to comment: "You want a drunk cowboy, get an actor, not a drunk cowboy"). And it's hard to imagine that Brooks would dance so deftly with racism in Amercian during the wild frontier years in a mainstream hollywood release: "Is it true what they say about your people?... it's twue, it's twue" Favourite Line: "What did you expect? Hello sonny come on in? These are common people, people of the clay. You know, morons" Favourite scene: Oh too many to count. Probably though the railroad scene at the beginning with the railroad crew bursting into a "typical" song "I get a kick out of you". I'd go into more detail, but I'm not as deft a dancer as Mel Brooks. Then there's the infamous "beans" scene - "I think you boys have had enough" Count Zero by William Gibson Gibson is the man who invented the near future computer AI based internet fiction. I'm not sure that's actually a category, but it sums up pretty well what his books are about. His magnum opus (that might be an ice cream) was of course Neuromancer. A book so good they haven't found a way to ruin it in film yet. Although I love Neuromancer dearly, Count Zero is my favourite if I had to pick. It's the story of a young computer hacker (calls himself Count Zero) who winds up nearly dead at the end of the second chapter, thanks to some illegal software he's given. It's a great read, a real page turner set in a bleak future - and Gibson does his usual rabbit tricks. All Time favourite TV show would be Monty Python's Flying Circus. Why? Because I get it and it makes me laugh. Even the stuff that isn't funny.

Wow... some opinions. Neat. To recap: Superhero movies. I'm sort of there with this one. For me the problem comes down to angst- Too many good supe's films are ruined by the "oh boo-hoo I have these super powers and no-one understands how tough it is." Get over yourself, seriously. That's why I like the F4 movies - everyone seems to be having a great time. And while we're on the subject - Hellboy. Now I'd claim that it's not a superhero story in the truest sense and therefore is exempted. Natural doodads Titanic is a story about a boat and an iceberg, with 2 hours of James Cameron showing how clever he is and Leonardo sinking to a freezing death. The last point might redeem it a bit. But not much. It's still in. Animal Films Jaws is a story about three men: Dreyfus, Shaw and whatshisface. The shark is incidental. Remakes In. Cast and Crew I'm adding Kevin Costner Stephen King Anything made on a book written by Stephen King where he used his real name. That excludes Green Mile and Shawshank

Thanks for making me feel welcome and for the plethora of invites! I played Mythos last night. Liked it

Dislike People who stop for conversations in doorways People who wander about in shops never walking in a straight line People who use ATMs to make detailed account enquiries - just take the damm money! Adverts in which the voice over is a whisper People that think migraines are headaches Doctors (Charlatans) - not surgeons or nurses People who try to push their point of view down my throat without listening to my views Idiots. By that I mean people who need help but wont ask or accept it. The cult of the celebrity. I dont want to know about your transparant attempts to be in the public eye thanks. Soap Opera's. My life is interesting enough thanks. Adverts that "introduce" inanimate objects - like shampoo, or perfume, as if it were going to be your new best friend Reality show TV. Send em to the jungle and leave em there I say. Paparazzi. You don't know the difference between what's in the public interest and what the public are interested in. Parasites. People who say "With the greatest respect"... because the next thing they say won't. Apathy & Poverty: In our world, 15,000 children die from preventable causes every day. Tom Hanks. Bob Dillon. So, basically, people. Like Hargan Daaz Cookie Dough Dynamo ice cream Futurama My Family (mostly)

Mostly the shows you talk about were just that shows - good in 30 min doses but no longer. "That dolphin" was Flipper and was made into a terrible film staring Paul Hogan (him off of Crocodile Dundee) and just further proves my point. Almost making the cut was number five: 5. The film is based upon a Stephen King book. Examples: >> Sometimes They Come Back... omg they did too - for an even worse sequel. >> And all the rest. I'm a big fan of the Stephen King. But film adaptations of his books don't work. No, not even Christine. Not even The Shining.. oh, ok you can have that, but then that's got The Nicholson in it for petes sake. Oh and Misery. But that has Cathy Bates and the Caan. Do they work as films? Imagine The Shining without Nicholson, imagine Misery without Bates - was there in fact, any other actor on this green earth that could have played those roles? I don't think so. The actors work, the films don't. Just a view. How will Diablo and WOW films work out? They will suck. Why? Because the break rule number 3. WoW The movie... "watch as Ben Affleck spends thirty minutes of the film skilling up his leather working" I think not

Does this build work ith Dual Wield pistols? Pistols sound cool

I was watching Speed 2: Cruise Control last night - at least, I watched the beginning. I've seen the last ten minutes of that movie about a gazillion times but never the opening. Having watch a good 10 minutes (and I don't mean "good"), I turned it off with enough of a view of the salient plot points to save me an hour and 10 minutes of pain watching the rest of the film. You can tell from the title that it's not going to be a compelling documentary on the human condition - in fact, the title gives the game away: It's a film that didn't need to be made. And there are lots. And during the hour I saved, I came up with four categories that sort of sum up if a film shouldn't be made or not. It should not be made if: 1. The film based upon a naturally occuring phenomenom. Examples: >> Twister - in which we learned that you can survive the most powerful force of nature by using a belt. Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt hang your heads in shame >> Titanic (contrary to popular belief this is a film about an iceberg) - in which we learned that poor people are happy people >> 3 Weeks Next Tuesday (the day after tomorrow) - in which we learned that you can run faster than an approaching snow storm. 2. The lead role is an ex Wrestler, fighter, body builder or Kevin Costner Examples >> The Rock, Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundgrum, Arnie Schwarzeneggar (ok, I'll let you have Terminator, but only because he doesn't act in it) >> Any Kevin Costner film 3. The film is based on a computer game? Examples: >> Oh, the list is endless. There are NO good films based on computer games. Not ONE. Ecks vs Sever (Lucy Liu and Antonio Banderas) Doom (also fails rule 2 above), Wing Commander (possibly the worst film ever made, after Showgirls), Resident Evil (actually, I like them, but they are still rubbish), Streetfighter (Kylie Minogue is hilarious, but not in a good way) 4. The lead role in the film is an animal. Examples: >> Any of the shaggy dog films (including the remakes), Lassie, Black Beauty, that one with Kevin Bacon and the jack russel (skip something), the Fly, a return to oz (basically a film about a chicken) **UPDATE** 5. The film is based on a Stephen King book not written under an alias. Examples: >> Sometimes they come back.. and omg they did for an even more hideous sequel >> Pet Cemetary. 6. Superhero Movies. Examples: >> Spiderman, The Hulk, X-Men 7. The Film is a remake of something made less than 25 years ago. Examples: >> Psycho, Godzilla, 12 Angry Men, that one with Denzl Washington and Meryl Streep 8. The film is a Threequel. Examples: >> Any of the Police Academy franchise, Home Alone, oh god, there's some real dross in this category Exclusions The following are exempted from this list: Tim Burton, Ron Perlman, John Carpenter. And you're wrong - there really are NO good films made from computer games. And very few good computer games based on films.

So my blatant blag worked and I got an invite to the game! I played it last night, albeit briefly and enjoyed what I saw - it's all very familiar - and took no time at all to start playing (once loaded). I started a bloodletter and a Pyromancer and played both to level 2 just to see, and I'll try gadgeteer tonight. One question though - what's Elite mode?

Two words: The Thing. John Carpenter in his prime, Kurt Russel in a beard and Ennio Moricone on awarding winning form (ok, the award was a Razzie but dammed if I know why). The horror fans alternative ET (released two weeks before) is still Carpenter's best work in a very uneven career and although grossing significantly less than Spielbergs alien lovin' tale, holds up much better when compared side by side, 25 years after the event. It's dark, brooding, claustrophobic, fast, clever and yes, gore filled. And given all the effects are models (pre-CGI) it could have been cheesy. For me though, Bottin spent his portion of the $14mil budget well - the effects are creepier and downright unexpected. And Cudney's photography just seals the deal, adding to the sense isolation and being sealed up in some tents with an alien shapeshifter. And the cast finish it off. Some great performances - notably from Russel in his best performance (in my opinion) as pilot Macready who desperately wants to be the hero of the piece, if only the supporting characters would let him. Brimley (you may recall from Cacoon) as Dr Blair who slowly slips into madness is my favourite of the incidentals. I particularly enjoy the scene where he tells Macready that he's not mad and ready to rejoin the group - behind him swinging in some unseen breeze is a noose. But my favourite scene is where one character goes into cardiac arrest - Doctor Cooper (Dysart - LA Law) puts defib on his chest, which turns into a giant mouth and bites his hands off. First time I saw it I nearly crapped myself. Second time I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. And the head turning into a spider? Inspired, with 'Windows' deadpanning "Oh you gotta be F***ing kidding me" as he watches it scuttle off. To end a horror film without closure though, without a neat ending with all the lines tied together. That's the scary part. Oh and if you own it on DVD, watch it with Kurt and John C's commentary. It's so funny - the two of them are drinking beers and chatting having not seen the film in 10 years. Hiliarious.

So it's not a remake, but likely inspired by the success of Danny Boyles 28DL, which was likely inspired or at least influenced by the original ("I Am Legend") which was remade as a horror film vehicle for Will Smith. Everyone clear? Great.

Isn't it a remake of 28 Days Later?