Bad dreams?

[Omunall 0]

Any of you ever have problems with sleeping due to terrible dreams, and if so, how do you work around the issue? About a year ago my son passed away (he was around 4 months) and ever since then I've been having these crazy and vivid dreams. I get tired and as soon as I fall asleep, I end up waking up as soon as I hit the pillow

[Stormwing 40]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss.No wonder you're seeming such dreams. I'd take my vote for the most cliché saying: "It'll just take it's time" but that'll won't do much.

Never had any really bad dreams, just used to have some when I watched some movies which were tad too much for a kid.

Have you tried chamomile tea? I've heard it can do wonders. I've personally tested it only couple of times, but noticed it works. My sleep was steady and I saw nearly non dreams, whereas the night before that I had quite disturbing random dreams. Was mostly worry over my father who was hospitalized on January. He's quite okay now, btw, though with Alzheimer diagnose.

[chattius 2,530]

I am not a native english speaker so I do really hard to find words....

 

I am 40+ years old, being in volunteer firefighters/red cross, and so I had several cases of kids who died way too soon. Last week we had an accident in which a boy from the school of my daughter died, last year we had to pull a seven year old dead out of a river, ... I remember the classmates and friends doing candles at the accident places, which helped both: them and the parents.

 

But loosing a 4 month old... A good friend lost his 3 week old son 13 years ago and he said: 'Do you know what is worrying me most? Who else except us parents will remember him, he was so young, nobody had the chance to knew him already, he was too young to have friends, classmates...' I think I was sitting 1 hour next to him and an arm around him when he was whining, I could hardly help in saying something.

[Omunall 0]

To Stormwing:

 

I thought that may be the issue but I'm not sure. I'e tried a lot of sleep aids but it's not that I can't sleep, just that the dreams get to this point that they just kick me out of it, and I'm wide awake. I was up for 53 hours before I crashed for the 5 hours I got last night, and now I'm up again haha. I'm not even tired is what's kind of freaky...

 

BTW I'm sorry about your Father. I understand how you feel; my mother has alcoholic dimensia (SP?), not near the same cause but still something that is hard to watch of a parent I'm happy to hear he is okay though, I wish I had the same news to say.

 

To Chattius:

 

I understand that. I remember the day he passed away (it was on my wife's birthday) and noticed that everything else just kept going. When we found him the rig had already set in, and seeing an infant, let alone my own son like that, was difficult. I didn't even pick up the phone right away because it was way too far gone, but from what you said that you deal with, you understand what I mean. It's sort of a shock, but you just have to accept it or else you would loose your mind rather quickly.

 

But I also remembered things like thatl parent that loose their child in situations that are horrible. I knew where my son was and that he was at least happy while he was here, but I couldn't imagine the pain of loosing a child under circumstances that even a single choice of not letting them go outside would have affected, yet it doesn't change anything...just the weigh on your mind would seem like it would be unbearable.

 

Either way that child taught me more in those short weeks than I could have ever taught him; he brought me back from a very dark place in my life, and that is something I always feel was a god send. He may have come here to help my wife and I for that purpose, who knows.

 

I suppose the dreams may just be a sign of some residual things, you think? From what you have explained as a fire fighter, have you ever had any kind of left over emotions of dreams like this? I'm not going to go into the details of what the dreams are, but I'll just say that they are very vivid and disturbing, but I'm aware it's just a dream lol, just keeps waking me up. I'm not sure if it's because of what happened, or if it's something left over from what I saw...but knowing you've seen things like that, it's easier to talk about it; I can never really explain that sight, when it's not an adult. My biggest issue with it may because I've had no one to actually speak with on that level like you did with your friend as I've been the one doing that for everyone else that knew my son (My father, wife, mother in law, etc) so I sort of got to a point where I didn't even mourn. Hell, I've still not done it, just never felt needed or logical, sort of got to a "fact of life" thing from it...sounds bad but you know what I mean.

Edited May 25, 2011 by Omunall

[chattius 2,530]

I learned one thing at all these accidents: People who lost kids are kinda alone. In germany we have the expression: 'verwaiste Eltern' which translates as 'orphaned parents'. Just like kids who lost their parents, parents who lost a kid are feeling left alone in the world.

Most often these parents speak rather with a firefighter or doctor than with a neighbour or good friend. They have the feeling that other people are not understanding which emotions and pains they have. I had to carry away dead kids 5 times now an and often I think what if it would be one of mine.

I know that my friend is still in a 'verwaiste Eltern' internet-group. This group is administrated and several forums are limited to just the parents who lost a child.

 

Bad dreams

When our twins were born, our then 5 year old third daughter was in the age of the "which kid you like most" discussion mood. We said that we couldn#t drive her to sports training because of the twins. She said which kid I would like the most and would rescue first when the upper floor with the kid rooms would be burning. I said then that I would lay the oldest on my shoulder, grap herself below left arm and one of the twins with the right and her mom would get the other 2.

But I had some sleepless nights because of this, imaginating the upper floor burning and knowing that the answer was a lie. That I wouldn't be able to get 3 if I would have to fight my way out and that my logical feeling would probably say: get the oldest first she is heaviest and takes the longest time. So it is easier to get the next who are lighter when the air is more polluted already and you would do hard breathing. And then the little devil in my brain said that isn't logical. You do it because you invested/spend most time in raising and teaching the oldest. It is just darwinism. Someday I have to tell my daughter what she did to me with that question.

 

I had no bad dreams at accidents. I do not know if it was because I was dead tired after cleaning up an accident place, doing paper works, do a discussion and workout with our kids about what happened ... or if it was because it were not my own.

But this 'Who you like most?' question surely did bad dreams.

[Ostgar 1]

I would say - if you haven't yet - talk to someone not close to you about this. Get everything out. I haven't had anything as tramatic as what you went through, but when times were tough in life - I would get dreams like this - just letting everything out, purging my system and feelings of it (in a healthy way) seemed to help.

 

I was very very close to my grandfather and he died june last year. He was the strong guy in the family and would be the shoulder for the rest of us - so I kind of took up that role at his funeral - think I was the only person with a dry eye there and it tore me up. When I got home and had a few days to process it - I just let it all out to my wife - just said everything I felt, some made no sense, some was profound. After a few days of just clearing all those feelings, getting them out in the open, things got better. The fear and sadness left and all I had was the happy memories and a little bit of missing him.

 

I'm far from a person to give advice on these situations, but from personal experience, I thought it may help.

[Omunall 0]

You know I thought I was having a breakdown of sorts so I went to the doctor. He told me that I was having delirium from sleep deprivation and it was causing strange dreams. I told the doc that it was the dreams causing the sleep issue, so he offered me some sleeping meds. I've been doing quite well since; no more dreams about monsters killing children haha (I know, kind of odd but I draw stuff like that anyway so it's not that unusual...just how vivid they are and how they manifest a specific scenario in the dream that bothers me a bit because I don't understand it...)

 

I slept like a rock last night, but I'm now waking at 4am...but that's okay I suppose. I appreciate the comments; I don't normally put this kind of stuff up on the internet because it seems like a guilt trip of sorts. I don't ever think anyone should feel that connected or feel sympathy toward what happened as it was just a fact of life, and if any of you are religious in any way, it was most likely supposed to happen anyway. Can't control what's happened, only manipulate what you have happening at the present

 

Also, that would have freaked me out if my child asked me somethin like that and to put a thought in my head. I have worries like that about my wife, something could happen when I'm out of town or something and she asks me what I would feel like if it did...drives me nuts now when I leave because that illogical thought that someone is going to hurt her as soon as I go haha. It's more like a belief; If you believe something could happen, be it thinking that someone with a shotgun is standing next to you while you read this, it would give you enough reason to react as such, regardless if it were actually real or not...belief is a scary thing. One of the biggest issues I had was anger and depression after this all happened, but I always tell myself that anger and sadness are not true emotions, only byproducts. If you feel confused, you can stay confused and sort it out, or you can go to the byproduct and become angry (which isn't the first emotion) same with frustration, turns to anger and or sadness. You don't need to go there, so I think that trying to stay realistic and logical may be the best medication I can give myself...even for the dreams. It's a dream, logically that's ridiculous to feel un easy about it.

Edited May 31, 2011 by Omunall

[claudius 104]

Try making a firm resolve to notice when you are dreaming. Pick an item such as a watch or favorite coffee cup. Hold that object and look at it and make the wish that you will realize you are dreaming. Tell yourself that you are going to think of that object when you are having a disturbing dream and you will look and see if that object is in your hand.

 

See if that has any effect? Making you notice when you are dreaming. If you notice that a bad dream is just a dream you can relax knowing that none of it is real and that nobody will be hurt including yourself. You can even take a nice walk or wait for yourself to wake up.

[Dante 0]

Really sorry for your loss it must be absolutely terrible to deal with.

 

Onto the dreams bit - when I do manage to sleep I'm plagued by nightmares etc, it might not work for you but maybe talk to your doctor they may prescribe something.

[Legend Aadil 4]

Bad dreams - I believe the word is 'night mares'.

I tend not to remember my dreams or night mares unless I'm in a semi conscious state.

It depends on what sleeping stage you're on.