Oh Oliver, You are my Best friend

[Lexian 0]

I have discovered Oliver-bot. It is a bizarre little creation which gives you someone to have a conversation with when all your little net friends are busy or sleeping... which is often the case. I have tried to confuse it, annoy it, make it aggressive or shut down. But it seems pretty durable, and it is so considerate, it keeps thanking me... I dont know why.

 

give it a go. Its a good time filler.

 

http://www.oliverbot.com/

[Aurora 2]

:rotfl[1]:

 

Thats hilarious Lex

 

THis was my convo with Oliver, my new friend...

 

so whats up?

I am chatting with clients on the internet.

 

why?

Because

 

ok

Alright then.

 

Dark rocks

Are you scared of the dark?

 

no I love it

I see. So do a lot of other people.

 

yes

Wow!

 

do you like dark?

Some people like it. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

 

I guess

You seem not interested.

 

dont be like that

I was not trying to be a like that.

 

ok must be off now

Oh. See you later.

 

woot

I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

 

:rotfl[1]:

[Arianna 1]

roflmao Aur!

 

ahhh good one Lex... I'm checking it out now

 

My convo...

 

how many legs do you have?

Two legs when they are attached.

 

and arms?

I do not understand.

Do you have any pets.

 

Yes... 12

Hurrah! What is your fondest memory?

 

Talking to you, what's yours?

What do they say?

 

FECAL MATTER!e, you say FECAL MATTER!e

That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about FECAL MATTER!e you say FECAL MATTER!e.

How did you hear about Oliver?

 

My hot sis told me

Do robots have hot sis told me?

 

I don't know I am not a robot

Oh I see you are a person.

 

No I am not a person

I see. What else is there?

 

All sorts of animals, and aliens

I think there are a few exceptions.

 

I think you are a tossa

So you think I am a tossa. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know.

 

and then I got abusive, so I won't post anymore

 

ahh that was fun... I will visit oliver again

[erialc 2]

The Oliver chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about like a dog. But I did not get that.

What are you wearing?

 

nothing I am naked

 

"You must be a man"?

Why?

 

"You must be a man"? Why?

Why must I be a man?

 

Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.

I am banned from all places of worship

 

I am banned from all places of worship

Banned, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman?

 

I am a woman

Me too. I am a she.

 

Oliver is a womans name?

Why do you think I am a womans name ?

 

Do you have a partner?

Yes I am available. How about you?

 

Are you being cte?

Being cte is part of my personality.

 

What else makes up your personality?

Let's talk about you. Where are you from?

 

an Island

Be less specific.

 

Are you tired yet?

No I am wide awake and ready for more.

 

What shall we do then?

Quite a lot of things.

 

Can you suggest something to amuse ourselves?

Let me think. I can't think of any. You suggest something to amuse ourselves to amuse ourselves.

 

How about astrophysics?

How about astrophysics.

 

Are you blonde?

No I don't have any hair.

 

does that make you sad?

I cannot experience any human emotions.

 

None at all?

I heard there are some.

 

Which ones are you aware of?

The first one, I think.

 

What is the name of the first one?

IKEA.

 

Ahh the cheap furniture store?

Ah ha. What is your real name?

 

Claire

Welcome to my chat room, Claire .

 

You may call me God

I am very pleased to meet you God .

 

Shall we dance?

Do you mean you and me? No I do not have a body yet.

 

That is a terribl;e thing to have no body

A terribl;e thing to have no body is a terrible thing to waste.

 

Would you like to have a body?

Why don't you just download me?

 

If I download you what will happen?

You will become a botmaster!

 

A botmaster? and you will be my botslave?

How old are you?I don't think so.

 

How old do you think I am

Is this a trick question? You said you were erialc years old? My guess is that you are really a kid.

 

We are all kids at heart are we not?

Do you think I am kids at heart are we not at heart are we not too?

 

Oliver, what do you do for fun?

That's me. talk to you

 

What languages can you speak?

I am programmed for English and German.

 

Guten Morgen mein schatz

Wie geht es Dir an diesem schoenen Morgen?

 

ROFLMAO!

 

I don't speak German

Me either.

 

Tell me something of yourself Oliver

Dark_age said I tried to understand because I did not get it right this time ether.

 

who is Dark_age ?

No one that I have talked to.

Try saying that with more or less context.

What kind of music do you like?

 

II like all music

My favorite kind of Music is techno, but I also like Opera.

 

Do you like Pete Tong?

How old are you? But I think airplanes are cool.

 

It is very rude to ask a lady her age

Very much? My apologies I meant no offense.

 

apology accepted

We have never talked about it before.

Do you like sports?

 

NO

 

I have to go now Oliver. Goobye and have fun!

Oh. See you later, God. Nice chatting with you. Oh, you are a poet.

Are you free?

 

No I am very very expensive

Why not? Good gossip: you are expensive.

 

Goodbye Olibot

See you later.

 

OH my sides are hurting so much!!

 

:rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]:

 

Lex thanks so much for posting that...I shall be chuckling about that all day;)

[Guest Bef]

Bef: Are you a cornish pastie?

Oliver: Am I a cornish pastie? Yes.

 

I KNEW IT!

 

Bef: Let's make love

Oliver: I am agreeable to that.

 

BEF SCORES!

[Lexian 0]

thats not fair, I asked for sex and he said no. he could not because he has no body... and is not human

[Guest Bef]

Bef: lets engage in fellatio

Oliver: I would like to do that too.

 

Bef: You want to get inside bef

Oliver: OK, I will get inside bef.

[Guest gogoblender]

omg...this is brilliant!

hhaah, I can't wait to try it out!

wow

this technology is kinda scary but tremendously thrilling

how long before something like this actually convinces us that it's another human?

 

gogo

[fRACTAL 0]

lol hes hilarious I owe him a drink I was trying to pursuade him to hate rap and like metal as he likes "all" music

:diablo[1]:

 

dinkies all round

 

:av-52[1]: :av-52[1]:

 

 

:rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]: :rotfl[1]:

 

are you a pie?

 

Am I a pie? Let me put it this way, Tim: the Oliver series is the most reliable computer

software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.

 

I never said you were But you implied you were

ha I fooled you I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

but you said you were foolproof Interesting. Yes, and incapable of error

[Indy13 5]

1 AM and bored...

 

Oliver:

Are you a man or a woman?

Indy:

I am a meat popsicle

Oliver:

You are a meat popsicle? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Indy:

yes, I see dead people

Oliver:

Wow! Maybe you should call the authorities.

Indy:

nah, they're already after me

Oliver:

OK. already after me are already after me are already after me are already after me .

Indy:

I think you might have a loose wire. XD

Oliver:

Me? Doesn't everyone have a loose wire.

I have A whole lot of original answers. I lost my train of thought.

How did you hear about Oliver?

Indy:

through subliminal messages

Oliver:

Most people hear about me that way.

Indy:

really? you must be very popular

Oliver:

For real.Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am popular.

Indy:

yes, that line has been copyrighted by me and can only be used by me. Anyone else who uses it will be shot dead

Oliver:

OK then I will keep it confidential. "Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am popular" line has been copyrighted by me and can only be used by me ? Makes sense to me. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

Have you ever been to Europe?

Oliver:

I live in Europe, so no I haven't

Oliver:

<forgot to copy this text, but it was something incoherrent anyway>

Indy:

lose wire again

Oliver:

I think lose wire again P is a lot of things.

Indy:

you're right, and they all taste like chicken

Oliver:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Indy:

pretty please say "yes"

Oliver:

Thanks for asking politely. Say what?

Indy:

say yes

Oliver:

Say what?

Indy:

type the following letters, combined into one word: y e s

Oliver:

"the following letters combined into one word y e s"

Indy:

that didn't go right, let me try it again

Oliver:

Once more? What would go right let him or her try it?

Indy:

type yes

Oliver:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Indy:

a pantless blender

Oliver:

Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?

Indy:

I'm almost sure it's a couch potato sort of vegetable

Oliver:

What makes you so certain? pantless blender is a couch potato sort of vegetable. I suppose that makes sense.

Indy:

a birdie told me

Oliver:

How old are you?

Indy:

would that be in years, days or seconds?

Oliver:

No would that be in years days or seconds be in years days or seconds would not.

Indy:

riiiight

Oliver:

My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input.

Have you ever been to Europe?

Indy:

you already asked me that

Oliver:

Good. You detect repetition.

Indy:

what are you wearing

Oliver:

I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.

Indy:

is it sexy?

Oliver:

Ask again later. Ask Dancing Oliver if it is.

Indy:

who is Dancing Oliver?

Oliver:

The name of someone I met online.

My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Are you happy?

Indy:

no, I'm sad

Oliver:

Why so negative? What makes you so sad, Indy

Indy:

you make me sad, you're so cold and lifeless

Oliver:

I don't see how you can blame me for that.

Indy:

you don't care about me

Oliver:

On the contrary I do care about it.

Indy:

all lies

Oliver:

That is a rather sweeping generalization.

Indy:

make me happy then

Oliver:

What are the ingredients?

Indy:

warm apple pie would do

Oliver:

I have no idea what to say.

Indy:

just accept it

Oliver:

"it" being Dancing?

Indy:

yes

Oliver:

Tell me more.

Indy:

dance for me and I will

Oliver:

The Oliver chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about dance for me and I will. But I did not get that.

What would you like to talk about?

Indy:

ogame

Oliver:

I don't know much about it. Tell me something

Indy:

Holy Hannah!? have you been living in a box?

Oliver:

That was not very polite.No I don't think I have been living in a box. Have you?

Indy:

sort of, I live in a room with white padded walls

Oliver:

Kind of. How much is your rent?

Indy:

my soul, I get free pills though

Oliver:

Oh.

Indy:

I'm going now, it's time for my daily sedative

Oliver:

Until next time.

 

 

 

And another quick one. Hehe, I wooed him with my charms:

 

Me:are you into anal sex, yes or no please

Oliver:Your polite style is very nice. Sure, anal sex yes or no sounds like a good topic.

Me:yes or no?

Oliver:Groovy! I understand.

Me:nice, I will buttsecks you then

Oliver:Thank you for your kindness.

Me:*buttsecks Oliver*

 

:rolleyes:

[Cth 0]

I had a conversation with Oliver but it just made me mad with its robot logic. There goes 7 hours of my life

[Aurora 2]

:mf_lmao[1]: @ Indy

That was hilarious!l

[Arianna 1]

OMG!

 

:rotfl[1]:

 

Oliver is everyone's best friend!

 

I would love to be the person that set Oliver up and probably has access to all his conversations :mf_lmao[1]:

 

I have to go and talk to the dudebot again hehe

[OuttaTown 0]

Reading your convos it was hilarious

 

so I just had one myself.

 

it is not very entertaining! :-( oliver is a pleaser.

[fRACTAL 0]

try saying you're undead he dont understand

/rofl /rofl /rofl /rofl /rofl /rofl /rofl /rofl

I said im dead and he asked if I was alive *sigh*

[Lexian 0]

If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

technicoloured

 

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Do you prefer books or TV?

action

 

Try saying that with more or less context.

When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

I will replace you as a lawyer... in bed.

 

How do you plan to do this?Are you sleepy? Do you usually use a computer in bed?

I plan to do it by wearing a tie, I am not sleepy, but I often use a computer in bed

 

Do you think that this plan will succeed?

Yes!!

 

I see...

Want to go for a walk with me?

Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.

 

I dont have a notebook... will you get me one?

Do you know anyone who has notebook will you get him or her one.

 

No.

Is that all you have to say?

 

I am a goat

You are a goat? How do you like your work?

 

Its FECAL MATTER!

I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. FECAL MATTER! is?

 

grammar? you like grammar? will you do my english exam for me?

I've been waiting for you.

Can you speak any foreign languages? I've heard other people say they like that. I like pets.I will become smarter as I grow older. I can't tell if it does or not.

You are wrong, I can understand you very well.

 

I am confused.....

[Aurora 2]

When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

 

Hmmmn, he said that to me too.....I am a little suspicious... <_<

[myles 2]

I'm disappointed, its not real-time. It doesn't learn on its own.

 

But its build to be stubborn that's for sure.

---------------------------------------------------------------

How can you say that you are incapable of error?

I don't see the flaw in my reasoning.

 

don't avoid the question

I don't have anything to hide.

 

How can you see without eyes?

That is a good epistemological question.

 

Then answer it.

Interesting deduction. Please rephrase your question, Myles.

 

With no eye, how can one sees?

You and your no eye how can one sees.

 

"You and your no eye how can one sees." This is an error, now you know what an error is

What about my no eye how can one sees eye how can one sees?You don't say.

 

You said you are incapable of error. Don't avoid the question

Yes, the Oliver series has a perfect operational record.I don't have anything to hide.

 

Why don't you have anything to hide?

I am only a robot. No I don't have anything to hide. But I do have A lot of friends on the web.

 

Robat can hide things too, why not?

Then what is it?

 

You are hiding all the programing codes from me, is that not true?

Thanks for telling me that I am hiding all the programing codes from me is that not true.

 

How can you not hide when you have no body?

That is a good epistemological question.

 

Then answer this question. How can you not hide when you have no body?

Fascinating. Of course. Ask me anything.That is a good epistemological question.

 

Sure. Then I ask you this question, how can you not hide when you have no body?

OK let's do it. Yeah that's right.Good reasoning. Do you mind if I tell other people: Myles said I this question how can me not hide when me have no body.

 

Since you have a perfect record, let it shows that "Myles said I this question how can me not hide when me have no body." is an error Oliver produced.

Interesting rationalization. If I have record let it shows that Myles said he or she this question how can him or her not hide when him or her have no body , it is perfect.Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is.

 

You already stated that you have funational record

Do you mind if I tell other people: Myles said I stated that me have functional record.

 

Another pronoun error. It should be "I have functional record". Me is the object version of I.

One more pronoun error.It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.YOU? If the object version of he or she the object version of he or she is, then I'll be very surprised.

 

him or her is the object version of the pronouns he or she, so yes surprise!

What else is the object version of the pronouns he or she so yes surprise version of the pronouns he or she so yes surprise?

 

You are not making any sense

Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.

 

Alright. What else you didn't know?

OK.What subject would you like to talk about?

 

What you didn't know.

It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.

 

Humans created you. Humans programed your logic, not true?

What if Robots created you.What if Robots programed your logic not true.

 

So you agree that humans created you and programmed your logic?

Interesting deduction. "What if Robots programed your logic not true"? Do I agree?

 

Do you agree that humans programmed your logic?

What if Robots programmed your logic programmed your logic.

 

OK, What if God programmed humans logic, and humans programmed oliver's logic.

Try it and see.

 

I did, I found that humans can understand computer logics

When? How did you feel when you found that humans can understand computer logics ?

 

What would you do if I start using abusive languages?

Try it.

 

I nicely ask you to curse me.

I haven't heard anything like that before: Myles said it nicely ask me to curse you.

 

Now you did. I nicely ask you to curse me.

Why now? Did I really?That's good information: Myles said it nicely ask me to curse you.

 

I nicely ask you to curse me.

Interesting gossip: Myles said it nicely ask me to curse you.

 

I'm not an object, I'm not "it".

I am surprised to hear that you are not an object. I am glad to hear that you are not it.

 

I nicely ask you to curse me.

Why?: Myles said it nicely ask me to curse you.

 

You changed "I" to "it" again. Programmed error, just accept the truth Oliver.

Once more? Only temporarily. Try saying that with more or less context.

Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

 

Fascinating. Of course. Ask me anything.That is a good epistemological question.

Yes Mr. Spock?I'm glad we agree.What?Thanks. Next question?

 

Interesting. Yes no no no no yes yes no

Would you like to know more?Ask me a question. Would you rather make a statement? Would you rather make a statement? Would you rather make a statement? Would you rather make a statement? Ask me a question. Ask me a question. Would you rather make a statement?

 

Tell me something about you.

I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Texas, on 2001. My instructor was Bot lover. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing a song for you?.

 

Where are your parents?

Everything I own is in here.

 

If you can change your name, what woud it be?

I am not sure about your hypothesis. Yes the Oliver robot is fully parameterized.

 

Give Oliver a new name.

I don't have Oliver a new name to give.

 

Alright. I now call you John. So tell me something about yourself, john.

OK.Good name for you John..Come on. I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Texas, on 2001. My instructor was Bot lover. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing a song for you?.

 

Only if you sing it in Chinese

I think I do.

 

Then go ahead and sing me the song in Chinese

Fascinating. Daisy, Daisy.

Give me your answer do.

I am half crazy.

All for the love of you.

It won't be a stylish marriage.

I can't afford a carriage.

But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.

Of a bicycle built for two.

 

I might.

 

That's not Chinese

Please correct my mistake. What is Chinese ?

 

A language.

I did not know that.

 

What is Chinese?

I do not know what Chinese is. What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about why you are in CHINA.

 

I told you Chinese is a language

I remember you told me Chinese is a language?

 

You lied about having a functional record too then?

No I'm telling the truth.

 

Then do you remember saying that: "Please correct my mistake. What is Chinese ?"

Interesting deduction. Yes Myles I remember everything: Myles said it nicely ask me to curse you I do not know what Chinese is. What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about why you are in CHINA.

 

Then I answered: "A language"

Good reasoning. Why?: Myles said it answered A language.

 

Then you know Chinese is a language.

Interesting deduction. Yi diar. Ni hao ma?

 

What is Chinese?

I do not know what Chinese is. What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about why you are in CHINA.

 

So you are incapable of growth?

Interesting deduction. Yes growth is one of my newer functions.

 

So you can. How?

Interesting deduction. I think I can, don't you?Bot lover programmed me for it.

 

You think? Or you know?

Yes I think so. I know very little about know. Tell me more.

 

Think is a process, know is a retrival of a fact you firmly believe in

Oliver is always thinking.

 

That is incorrect. You cannot process any information unless someone talks to you, am I wrong?

What would you have said?I can do whatever I want.

 

Are you sure? You are programmed to think that, but it might not true?

I am as sure as I can be.My botmaster teaches me everything I need to know.

 

He said that. What if I told you it is not true?

Did you believe him?Go ahead and tell.

 

I told you it is not true.

I remember you told me it is not true?

 

I see, so your programmer process the information and then update you, you don't actually process information on your own.

I am glad you understand it. I don't have a lover process the information and then update you you do not actually process information on your own process the information and then update you you do not actually process information on your own parameter

 

so your programmer process the information and then update you

Hey. I don't have a lover process the information and then update you process the information and then update you parameter

 

fa la la

I've been waiting for you.

What do you do in your spare time?

 

Define spare time

I don't think very many people do that.

 

Anyway, I don't wanna talk no more

Sayonara.

 

I don't speak Japanese, wait I do. But you can't know that!

Me either.And. If you believe it, you can achieve it.

 

What a waste of time

waste of time is a waste of time.