Am I changing?

[Timotheus 416]

The last months I've been living my life without really living it, it feels like I'm stuck on a train, looking out of a window...

 

College has got me busy with big projects and I'm starting to hate it, doing a lot just to avoid having to work on it. I enjoy my study and I definitely want to keep on going, but the task of writing my thesis I'm facing at the moment are just frustratingly long and quite boring. Also, my final round of tests is starting at the end of next week, so not only do I have to write my thesis, I need to study as well. I never thought I would say this, but I actually like the change from my thesis to something else, even if that means studying for 1) Philosophy; and 2) Statistics. Philosophy was without a doubt the most retarded (pardon my French) class of my Bachelor, and sometimes I find it hard to stop thinking they threw it in to get some people over to the Philosophy major, and nothing else. Statistics is just not one of my strong points, period.

 

Then there's my broken clavicle, it's causing a lot of things to go different than what I was used to. I've been home almost all the time the last two weeks. I can't ride my bike, nor drive a car, and I don't want people playing Timo's personal cab-company for me. Because I go everywhere on foot, and can't escort my GF back to her place, I'm unable to get to see her as much as I'd like. Note that she's in her final year of High School now, so she's facing her finals. I'm not the only one who has to study. And with my friends, it's kind of the same thing. Yesterday, they came over to watch a movie, it was one the best evenings I've had the last two weeks, I haven't really seen them, because they all have their own studies and work they have to go to. We would usually meet up at night, or down town. But how do I get there? With public transport? Can't, bus drivers are on strike. They only drive around rush hour. So the problem I mentioned, comes back to haunt me once again. And, I miss working out. I used to go to the gym with my friends, but now, well that's not of much use. Can't do at least half the exercises. And it's killing me, I need something to physically relax. I haven't done any type of sport since I started going to High School until about a year ago, but now, I find it very difficult to cope with the fact I simply can't.

 

And last but not least: I'm losing the fun I've had in one of my biggest hobbies. I'm getting more and more indifferent towards gaming. With my clavicle broken, it was hard to game at first (yeah I did try it once) but I have to admit that I haven't really done any gaming these few months, any at all! Let's recall. I sometimes attended Kami for being with you lot ingame but wasn't able to attend more because a lot of stuff kept me off my pc. Can't really say I missed the gaming. The lack of time is the reason I haven't played a lot of Rollercoaster (still one of my all time favourites, recently picked it up again) either, simply because playing through a level takes more than, say, half an hour. Occasionally I did a round of BF2. And that was about it. Recently discovered Tanoth, but it's starting to bore me already. And (dare I say it?) I'm getting more and more indifferent towards the release of Sacred 2 as well. It just seems so weird to me, that one of my hobbies, one I've had for YEARS, is now reduced to next to nothing. I've had that happen with reading books as well, I used to me a fiend for books by Steven King and Dean Koontz, but now, I hardly read any books other than the ones I have to read for my classes. Last book I've read was Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. That was maybe 1 or 2 years ago...

 

These are all things that have been taking place the last 4-5 months, and (being the psychologist in training) I guess that this feeling comes from the fact that my personal identity is undergoing some changes at the moment, but nevertheless it makes me a bit uneasy. And just now it occurred to me that these changes might also affect my future here, as a part of D.a.r.k...

Edited May 26, 2008 by Timotheus

[Spock 271]

All things come to an end, an so shall this. Just take things one day or even one hour at a time until it's all past.

 

A year from now you'll be asking yourself what all the fuss was about.

 

Life does get better if you give it a chance.

[Funkilicious 1]

Its all part of growing, if you are the same person at 30 as you were at 20, I would say you have a problem. You evolve from your life experiences and that is what you are going thru now. Embrace your past but see what new challenges life brings you and where it can lead you.

 

Enjoy the ride, have no regrets.

[gogoblender 3,070]

Timo, heh... like Funi says... life!

 

The clavicle is a big deal. It's something that impacts negatively on a lot of things you've liked. In this instance, it's changing how you meet your friends, the kinds of things you do...in fact, it seems like it's even letting you feel like you're a different person. Well, you're not. You're still the same Timo, you're still generous, funny, active...these things won't change. The method of how you show yourself may however. And the thing with video games... games are funny things man... believe it or not, I know where you're coming from. I burn out on gaming a lot, and find that spending more time here at DarkMatters, or just losing myself in writing for the wiki, or just wanting to hang out more with my friends on weekends...it gets me in touch I may have been doing less, and gives me an appreciation for the stuff I think I may have gotten tired of.

 

lol, we have a WHOLE lot of months before Sacred 2 comes out friend... Some of us are even trying out Requiem... did I tell you I've overnighted it a few times now? Now THAT'S addiction. And...I gotta say, it feels so friggin awesome when you just have that feeling in your head all day...that you have to get back home, you have to get back home.... To play!

 

The clavicle will heal, you'll come out stronger...you're a fantastic member of this community. The quality of your posting, the humor you share...this stuff doesn't just break

 

Relax, enjoy the different outlook on life the clavicle is giving you... maybe there's other things that you can enjoy while now in your down time...and when you're healed...when you're feeling better... you'll know where to come write, to tell us more of your stories...

 

We'll be here for you

 

 

gogo

[Genenut 8]

Exactly take you time and dont make any rash choices. The cabin fever from the clavicle and im sure the low level of pain that it causes constantly will also affect things. *hugs*

[stubbie 21]

Your growing up man.....chill out. We all have these moments

You are beginning a new phase in your life. Priorities you had before can and will take second place.

 

The early twenties are a turbulent time. You are in the process of making decisions that will impact forever how your life will progress.

Tough times yes, but necessary for you to become what you want to honestly be in life.

 

At your age I was engaged. Two years later I was married to a different girl. Two years after that I was divorced.

My life was shattered.

I then reevaluated my life, made some major changes and then found my soul mate.

 

What I'm trying to say is go with what life gives you. You may not make the right decision, but even if its the wrong decision its not the end of the world.

You are the only person that can control your destiny. If you are unhappy with things, then its up to you to change them.

If you are feeling sorry for yourself then its up to you to do something to fix it.

 

If what gave you pleasure in the past no longer gives you that, then find something that does.

Games no longer fun to play? Then try having your mates around for a card night.

Or take up another hobby.

Cant exercise? Then try doing a different exercise regime that suits you.

I am unable to life weights but I can walk on a treadmill. Do what your body allows.

I'm loathe to give a suggestion (because I don't have one) about your uni coarse, except to say you have to take the good with the bad if the end result is what you truly want.

 

This is your life and you only get one stab at it (unless you subscribe to reincarnation, which I don't).

We are all masters of our own destiny. We all have the capability to appreciate what we have been dealt in life.

 

At least you can say you gave it your best shot. That's all anyone can ever expect from themselves.

 

stubbs

Edited June 5, 2008 by stubbie

[Schot 407]

Ah Timo. It's funny you should mention your lost love of gaming. I had experienced that very same feeling very recently. It actually worried me too! lol. The worry for me was that I have always taken great pleasure in gaming and for as long as I can remember it has been the one thing I knew I could have fun with. It's always been the one thing I could relax to. So when I felt myself losing interest it was a startling feeling for sure. For me I think it's been because I've been playing Sacred for sooooo long now. More to the point. I've been playing the same game for far too long. That in itself is enough for me to become numb to gaming I think. Finally the feeling broke though and like gogo mentioned my love for gaming was rejuvenated by playing Requiem which I have found very fun. Probably just the fact that it is a different "new" game is what changed things for me. So maybe the same will happen for you too.

 

You know... It's quite possible that the feeling that made you post has already passed but none the less what occurs to me from reading your post a couple times is that it's a matter of change. Or lack thereof. Sounds as if you've been doing the same thing over and over for a little too long maybe? I'm an expert in that department, heh. Doing the same for far too long. Eventually I end up kicking myself into a different gear and life starts to sparkle again.

 

I think I may be due for a kicking in fact. Any takers?

 

 

P.s.

Would love to read all about your recovery from this.

[Timotheus 416]

Nice posting stubbs

 

I hear what you are saying, and I'm trying to do the things I like best now without hurting myself or my education. The exercising is slowly coming back. Yesterday I discovered I was able to do situps without problems, so at least I can do *something*. Running, cycling, rowing, they're all things I am still a bit wary of. So I can't do any real cardio exercise, and fitness (I used to do that 1-2 times a week with my mates) is out of the question too. I do try to get out of the house more, and just walk. But the fact that I still have some really hard tests coming up, and my thesis, shows me that I'm not in a position to slack off. And I'm trying as hard as I can to get things done properly...

 

Heh nice of you to post too Schot

 

And as for the progress: well for the moment it's going better, have taken some more time to spend with my GF, I'm starting fysiotherapy later this week for the shoulder, but my zero interest in gaming remains. And believe me, it's not that I have played Sacred too long. I have played quite a few games imo, and still was when I came back to Sacred and became a member of [D.a.r.k]. But the feeling in gaming, the enthousiasm, the fun, it's just not there. (Yet?) I'll hold off until after this upcoming week for any real opinion on it, however, because I am still deeply hidden away in my books for my upcoming tests.

But, I do feel very eager to find out what makes my pc behave dodgy, and whether I can turn it into a multi media system. For me, that currently is the one thing I want to have. To be able to watch movies when laying/lounging at my bed, and to be able to watch a thread with pics, or a youtube vid, without any stuttering if I do something else, like.... Scrolling?

 

Anyway, I'll lurk around for now, keep you updated and stuff, but things are busy and boring at the moment so there might be little to report