Are there any psychologists in the house?

[Gilberticus 374]

I'm not sure what type of personality disorder my soon to be brother in law has, but it's majorly impacting his life, dude's gunna get himself in major trouble one of these times. He's the type of guy who thinks he knows everything about everything, and corrects everyone around him, even if he doesn't know what he's talking about. It doesn't really bother me much, I just joke with my fiance that her brother needs a "Umm, actually..." shirt, as this is the phrase he used most often. But he's got to have some sort of compulsion, yesterday's incident proves it.

I knew yesterday was going to be bad. Some of you married gentlemen might have gone down this road before : "Honey, why don't you take my brother out with you? He's socially backward, but he means well. He's 25, living in mom and dad's basement, he has no friends, never dates, why don't you take him on your next guys night out? You know, bond with him, try to loosen him up a little." I warned her, of all my different crowds, my Friday night beer and poker crowd is the crowd he'll feel the most awkward in. These are Skynyrd listening, goatee wearing, open flannel shirt wearing, "My wife rides in the back while my hunting dog rides shotgun" bumper sticker having good ole boys. But I got "the look" from her, you guys know what I'm talking about. So, we're talking about how OSU had a poor game against Michigan, and whether or not a W is a W, even if it's a poorly earned W, while he's talking about Star Trek and Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, one of those nights. I'm in the bathroom, and I hear one of the guys say "Man, those French sure know how to make a roast". Now, my friends know a french roast doesn't mean coffee from France, it was just a joke. But I'm thinking "oh, God, Drew, don't say it". I warned him that these are good men, I served with most of them. But they have a "don't Start none and there won't Be none" attitude. When Drew corrects you, and you disagree, or laugh it off, or say "Drew, relax, is it really that big of a deal?" he gets irate and sometimes confrontational. I warned him, these are good men, but they're also hard-hitting Marines and Sailors, don't get in their faces. And he did. I heard the usual "Umm, actually...", they laughed, he yelled, and must have gotten in their face, because they clocked him. But here's the level of Drew's....narcissism? One of the guys said "Umm, the correct vernacular here is you just got your @ss kicked, Trekker" and he said "Umm, actually.....you didn't kick my @ss, you punched my face, and it's Trekkie, not Trekker". They laughed and said "what's the difference?" And, well, I've never seen a little guy with biceps no thicker than my fiance's ankle try to punch a big mountain of Marine. So, my question: is this NPD? I've read the DSM-5, but I doubt that qualifies me to be a psychoanalist. I don't know whether we should talk to him about help, or just say "eh, it's just the way he is"

[Spock 271]

I'm more of a psychotic than a psychiatrist but it sounds like this young man needs a taste of "Real Life" stat and I can't think of anything that would do it faster than trying to live through boot camp ...

[Flix 5,116]

It may not be very productive to try to label it as "such-and-such disorder." At least not from what I've read in your post. I think more practical experience might be the best "therapy." In other words, continued socializiation with broader groups of people might show him, "this is how some people react to you," perhaps it might modifiy his behavior. What does your woman think? I mean I guess she thinks the same on some level if she's pushing you to take him to different gatherings.

 

It seems like he needs to either cultivate empathy or apathy, or both. If he was sufficiently empathetic, he would understand how obnoxious it is to be treated the way he treats others. If he was apathetic enough he wouldn't care if other people were wrong. I try to cultivate both qualities in myself (it sounds paradoxical but it's how I approach the world). I have no advice on how others could do this though, everyone's mind is so damn different.

 

I thought they preferred "Trekker" when other people refer to them, only using "Trekkie" among themselves?

[SX255 630]

I’m with Spock on this one – guy needs a life. Not necessarily “boot camp”, but something with him needing to be in good graces of others. A job maybe, but I don’t think anybody will want to have a narcissist for an employee. Until he starts needing others, there is no incentive for him to change.

 

You could try asking him what his goals in life are, and within reason try helping him achieve that. No matter how ridicules or impossible they may seem, giving him a plan to follow might get him a better lifestyle, or at least turn him into a team player. And if he, a Trekky, doesn’t want to build a starship in his lifetime, HE LIES.

[tom.morrow 89]

.

 

IMH he just needs to fall in love, that will fix all the problems

( and introduce a whole series of new ones in the process )

 

 

 

There's something written about a chance but I don't trust this game...

[Veracious 267]

real life will only do something for someone who's capable of learning. his problem may not be psychiatric but he does have a problem understanding social boundaries. Not everything is 'serious' or 'important' like he makes out when trying to correct everyone. He's a 'glass already full' person who is stuck on 'book facts' and has no idea what it means to be colloquial or sarcastic. I'm a BA grad but no where near qualified to diagnose someone. Just from personal experience I'd say he's like an aspergers type situation. Its on the line of autism but without the retardation. He's living in a fact based, structured, ritualized world and anything that upsets that makes him nuts and confrontational. I'm not saying he has it I'm just saying he is in that mode of behavior.

 

real life experience may not be a remedy. you can try it in a less volatile setting but really he might need therapy/medication.

[Timotheus 416]

My hunch is with Veracious on this one, he does show the inhibited social behaviour and tendencies which could be linked to Aspergers. Although there also is a disorder called PDD-NOS, which is more or less a container for different psychological symptoms, sharing some of these symptoms to a degree. Note however, that my education on actual psychological disorders is limited at best, because I have no clinical psychological background...

 

And Veracious, these days Aspergers is qualified as a mild variant of an "autism spectrum disorder", it's no longer separated from autism in de latest release of the DRM-V. A quick browse through Google tought me that just now.

[Veracious 267]

yea, I know its an autistic spectrum disorder, I was trying to explain it in as plain terms as possible. its a really high functioning form of autism in which the person has almost no learning issues educationally but many emotionally, and sometimes are extremely intelligent, but they have autistic type issues such as patterns, rituals, obsessive behaviors, self stimulation behaviors, etc. many are fully functional professionals like accounting for example. I don't think this guy actually has any thing on the psychiatric spectrum of autism I just think he's got some issues that an ass whoopin' won't help. lol

[Flix 5,116]

Physical violence can modify behavior but for all the wrong reasons usually. That's why I suggested more rigorous socialization, just maybe not with ex-soldier rednecks who like to punch things.

[podgie_bear 184]

Physical violence can modify behavior but for all the wrong reasons usually. That's why I suggested more rigorous socialization, just maybe not with ex-soldier rednecks who like to punch things.

But it may be extreemly satisfying for Gilberticus to watch. He gets the benefit of watching him get decked, but not the earful from his fiancee for doing it. "Honey I can't stop him opening his mouth and begging for it"

Edited December 6, 2013 by podgie_bear

[Gilberticus 374]

Who said anything about ex soldiers? Soldiers are Army, I said Navy and Marines. Like to punch things? I said they have a "don't start none and there won't be none" attitude. In a fight or flight situation, these are men who stand up for themselves. It's funny, Flix, that you think you have enough experience in psychology to answer a post titled "Are there any psychologists in the house?", yet you don't know about fight or flight.

[Spock 271]

I don't know about anyone else but almost everything I learned I absorbed from the school of hard knocks ... plus whatever I absorbed via osmosis from a more formal education.

[Flix 5,116]

I feared that somehow, I was going to touch a nerve. I'd edit the post but damage is done.

 

I'm sorry for my poorly chosen words. It was definitely not meant as in insult to you or your friends. More like an instance of being too casual and careless with my words. How about "Military men who don't put up with a smart-mouthed guy getting in their face?" Point being, maybe your other circles of friends could be given a try before you consider professional help? It was simply meant to back your observation that this group was a bad choice for a guy's night with Drew.

 

Sorry I sound like a know-it-all. Really. I just try to talk at my competency level, maybe I push beyond it sometimes. I don't really know much about psychology beyond college courses. I just know what I would say to a friend who asked about such a situation.

 

The other thing is, from I read in your first post, Drew just yelled at a guy (at first). Whether he actually started anything physically hostile wasn't explained. So no, fight or flight did not come to mind as a likely response when considering a (presumably fit and combat-trained) man safely among his peers verbally confronting a wiry loud-mouth, no matter how loud-mouthed he may be. It sounds more like flaring tempers.

[lujate 578]

Maybe a couple of deep breaths are in order here guys.

[Flix 5,116]

It's fine, I was being disrespectful and ignorant without intending to. I hope we can just drop it.

[Veracious 267]

military or not, their actions were not transparent from the story given. FLIX you're right on that point. As for the choice of words, no one likes to admit they (especially military) were wrong. a loud mouth doesn't "DESERVE" to be punched just for being a loud mouth. if there was more to it then he should've given the whole story. and as a martial artist/competitor with years of training, I know that from an honorable stance you don't just hit someone cause you're angry. nor do you start a physical altercation with someone you take as a weak opponent. its cowardly. so maybe our military needs to do a better job at instilling those "CORE VALUES" huh Gil :)

[Spock 271]

If someone gets into my face yelling and screaming at me. especially if I start feeling spittle spraying over my face, I am going to do whatever it takes to make him/her back down. If words don't work, I will protect my sensitive hearing in any way I feel best at the time. If that means I bruise my knuckles, then so be it.

 

Assault need not be physical to still be assault. Sorry Veracious, I don't necessarily believe your way is always right.

[Gilberticus 374]

You know, a big problem here is I give too many nonessential details sometimes, and not enough essential ones. It also helps to wait until I have all the details, which I now have. One thing I did not say is that I have never known Drew to throw a punch. Oh, he'll get irate and sometimes in your face, but he's never had any physical altercation. More of the story I didn't tell is that I warned him that these are good men, but some of them didn't come home quite right. I also warned them on the phone about Drew. They told me "No worries , Doc, we'll behave". Now, Flix, I apologize, you did hit a nerve. Not with the soldier part. Had I not joined, I would have thought "soldier" would be an acceptable word to cover all military members, but just so you know,it's not. Soldier refers only to Army, Sailor is Navy, and Marine is Marine. I'm not quite sure what Air Force is, as I never had any experience with them. Some Sailors and Marines get fairly agitated when you call the "soldier", it's due to a type of sibling rivalry between the branches. But that's not what bothered me, "redneck" did. When you say redneck, I picture a web-footed, mostly toothless, poorly educated guy who has unhealthy sexual tensions with his sister. There's a long story why redneck is the one thing that upsets me, but that's not your fault, I'm sorry about that. Now, what I didn't know is what actually happened while I was in the bathroom. What happened is they said the french roast part, he came up with his "Umm, actually..." What they said was "well, look at Mr. Coffee over here", patted him on the back, and said "you're all right, boss". What Drew did was kick them square in the nuts. I didn't say that before because I didn't know that before. Both sides tell me the same story. Now, you're partly right, Ver. In most situations, most of my fellow vets won't strike civilians. There has been situations where my friends and I have been sitting quietly in the bar, and a civilian who's had too much to drink and feeling invincible has come up, thinking he's going to wipe the floor with us. And yes, we walk away. But we're talking about the nuts here. Yeah, tempers flared. I don't blame my friend for hitting Drew after getting the nut kick. The following "Trekker" comment that he was unnecessary, though. I don't have much else to say.

I am rather happy this incident happened. I don't know what's exactly up with Drew, It's not my place to say. I do know he's talking to someone, which is good. But what the rest of us realized is maybe we should talk to someone , too. I don't know current military procedure, but when we were in, there were re assimilation classes, classes that trained us to be civilians again, not just with getting jobs and stuff, but all manners of things. It might sound kind of silly or immature, I mean, we were civilians for 18 years before we were military. But, well, it kind of doesn't make sense unless you yourself were enlisted, and I'd really prefer not to go into detail. Anyway, none of us had those, we were plucked out of the heat of battle and plopped in the civvie world again, which is another area I wish not to discuss. My point is that while I think we did a pretty good job of fitting back into the real world, maybe we have a few areas we need to discuss with someone yet.

Edited December 8, 2013 by Gilberticus

[Flix 5,116]

But that's not what bothered me, "redneck" did. When you say redneck, I picture a web-footed, mostly toothless, poorly educated guy who has unhealthy sexual tensions with his sister.

 

Ah, crap I'm sorry I didn't even think of that, even when I looked at it second time. In Mississippi prettty much any good ole boy would also bear the term "redneck" with similar pride, unless it's being hurled with disdain as an insult by an outsider (maybe that's the impression I gave). I suppose we would use the term "hillbilly" to describe the hypothetical yokel you described there. That was a true blind spot for me, sorry.

 

What happened is they said the french roast part, he came up with his "Umm, actually..." What they said was "well, look at Mr. Coffee over here", patted him on the back, and said "you're all right, boss". What Drew did was kick them square in the nuts.

 

In that case I think your friend exercised great restraint in only throwing a punch.

Edited December 8, 2013 by Flix

[Gilberticus 374]

No worries, it's water under the bridge