Offering one 13 yr old for indentured servant employement

[Genenut 8]

*sigh* my son gor a 2 day suspension for lifting up the back of a fellow female students shirt(the back of it slightly and didnt expose anything "important") and the worst part is we are friends with the girl's family. I dont know how I will ever face them in public again. I have never been so embarrased by a child of mine.

 

so if anyone needs an indentured servant for 5-7 years I have a teenager I will let you have ... If I dont kill him first.

Edited April 9, 2008 by Genenut

[Schot 407]

Oh Genenut. Try twisting a dish towel, that might help. lol. That's quite a way to make an impression... I'm sure the parents will understand it's just a kid thing. Well I hope they do anyway. I can understand your embarrassment, ugh. Not to mention that having your boy suspended must be kind of distressing. I suppose though that it could have been much worse. Let's hope his "creativity" is very limited.

 

I say put him on cleaning duty. Make him scrub tha floors with a toothbrush. Oh and when he's done send him over here, hehe.

[gogoblender 3,070]

awww, mom. I can understand how embarrassed you would feel in front of the parents, and the suspension is never fun for a parent. I'm hoping that the parents will see this as a kids hijinx, and forgive quickly.

 

hmmm...maybe send him over to their house as part of his indentured servitude?

 

There's still lots of snow outside ^^

 

On a more serious note... if you think this is is really important, have you had a talk with him yet about how it's made you feel? Maybe have him write out an apology note or something. Just doing that could make him think. He's not just acting on his own... he's part of a family.

 

 

 

gogo

[Genenut 8]

He is writing apology notes. Unfortunately of all the kids to do this to not only were we friends with them but daddy is VERY protective of his girls and this one is particulaly easily upsetable.... *sigh*

 

He is doing lots of laundry tommorrow too... might have to find a tooth brush for him to scrub the toilet with though ....

 

I'd gladly send him to you guys to do more cleaning but I dont have the time to drive to montreal/quebec ..*lol* and I dont think you have cars *G*

 

does greyhound deliver?

[gogoblender 3,070]

Hey mom

 

This is a site I used to refer to when I had to write apology letter for a company I used to work for. Writing a good apology is a craft, and takes a lot of thinking. I found it so hard to do on my own because I just didn't understand a lot of the stuff that was involved. The site lists 8 points that all successful apology letters should have.

 

http://www.perfectapology.com/how-to-say-im-sorry.html

 

Your son could use it as a template, and the reasons the site gives for all of the points it says are important are wonderful. Just reading gave me so much insight into the hurt of others.

 

I hope this helps

 

 

gogo

 

p.s. lol... no cars here...but there are lots of buses...just one trip on one of those all the way to montreal will probably have him crying for your mercy

[Anestty 0]

I remember doing that as a kid at school

 

I got in big trouble as well - I think I turned out o.k - at least I don't do it anymore!!

[gial 2]

He'll be OK, I think. Try to remember, regardless of the reason, with his sibling being such a focus this last week with the adenoid surgery, he's probably desperate for some attention, regardless of the cost. He probably doesn't even realize this.

 

I think all teenage boys have to get in trouble somewhere along the line. I know I did, my twin brother too, and my son, nephew (actually all 3 nephews) etc., etc.

 

I'm sure all will be well . . . but don't let him find out you think so until he figures things out and learns from this everything he can.

[KerLynx 0]

First off I hope everything's going to turn out well and this whole thing will be solved in no time... but the reason I wanted to post this is...just... Gaah!

 

Why get suspended for something like that:)

 

From what I've heard from friends and read in random places - it seems schools everywhere else punish their students for the smallest of things... makes my school (and a lot of other schools here) look like an impossible warzone with no control at all and all other schools with impossibly strickt rules, regulations and punishments.

 

If something like that happens here the students get away with a mere warning. Most of time not even the parents are involved. Only the more extreme cases end with students being suspended, the parents called, school board involved etc.

 

X___x You won't believe some of the things which have happened here and just what the "punishments" have been.

[Totalimmortal 0]

*sigh* my son gor a 2 day suspension for lifting up the back of a fellow female students shirt(the back of it slightly and didnt expose anything "important") and the worst part is we are friends with the girl's family. I dont know how I will ever face them in public again. I have never been so embarrased by a child of mine.

 

so if anyone needs an indentured servant for 5-7 years I have a teenager I will let you have ... If I dont kill him first.

 

first off... really? tell the school officials to get real. back in my day... (yes I said it...) back about 5-8 years ago... I gave my parents a lot of troubles and issues with suspensions and what-not. I turned out ok (I think ). but to get suspended for doing something as harmless as exposing a girl's back? I understand that there should be some kind of school action... but seriously? a 2 day suspension. let me put things in perspective. in 5th grade, I got shoved into a wall, some little hillbilly kid who didn't like italians was shouting "you (effin) WOP" and he was shovin me and messin with me. I ignored it at first, but it got on my nerves, and I turned around and punched him in the nose. he didn't actually throw any punches, just some little shoves, so yes, I definitely started (and finished) the actual 'fight'. I got suspended. for 1 day. 1 day suspension, for breaking some punk's nose, (interestingly enough, his ears were bleeding too... never figured out why). his mom escorted him around school for the next week to make sure I didn't go near him. 1 day suspension. for that.

more recent suspension: my senior year in high school... some little basketball star at our school (a boarding school, he lived on my dorm) thought he was big and tough and wanted to throw down. he took a swing at me, I threw one back. punched the door above his head, broke some fingers, fractured a couple knuckles, shattered one (which never has and never will heal right). he started the fight, threw first, and he made the only contact (he shoved me, and I just turned and walked away, figuring it wasn't worth getting in trouble over)... well, totalman gets suspended for 3 weeks. little basketball diva... had to talk to the disciplinary committee, and didn't even get a letter sent home to his folks. guess I shoulda played basketball too... 3 weeks.

I guess times are changing, because honestly, I don't think that that kind of 'offense' which might I add, has no legal ramifications ('offensive touching? bah') shouldn't be a 2 day suspension...

 

now that I'm done talking about suspensions... what to do with the youngin': talk to him. make sure he knows WHY what he did was wrong. he knows WHAT he did was wrong, but WHY is the important lesson. also, I think forcing him to rune farm for 12 hours on end would be another good way to strike back "FARM BOY, FARM!" but seriously, I also think having him sit down with the girl's father and have him apologize for what he did and explain his actions would be a responsible thing to do. have the boy apologize to the girl IN FRONT of her parents. things will be awkward, sure, but the parents will see that you are doing your job as a parent, and that the boy is just that, a teenager, learning from his mistakes. honestly, its probably a good thing that it happened, because there is much to learn about incidents like this. its a good way to learn (without going to jail), it gives time to reflect, and the guilt that builds up inside will make him think twice about ever doing something like that again. ^^just a few suggestions to help ease the embarrassment. no worries mom, things will be fine, it definitely doesn't reflect on you as a parent (and will actually reflect positively on you as a parent if people see a change in the young man.) (ps, yes I said it, young man. that's what teenagers are becoming, thats what they should be treated like. they have responsibilities. everyone wants to be mature, they should act mature.) Good luck mom!

 

-Total

[Genenut 8]

I do on one side agree with the about suspension but I also know just how upset this girl was (very very upset) and this society is now one that 5 yr olds get charged with sexual harasment for patting a classmates butt orgiving thier fellow student a hug. so I know the school is walking a very straight line so they they dont get sued (Any more than they already have for a few incidents caused by lack of supervision by the adults). He crossed a line that he should have known better than to cross.

 

On the other side what my son did he cant even explain WHY he did it. That bothers me more than anything. He has aspergers which only makes things better and worse. Better in that his explanation of not knowing why is understandable and logical and also could be used in a court of law to negate some responsibility for his actions should this incident ever get that far which hopefully it wont.

 

And worse in that if he doesnt learn the social cues he lacks on a subconscious level that most "normal" people know I hesitate to think of what he might do next. Add a large dash of ADHD to the mix and his impulsivity due to it , its a very bad thing.

 

I would like your idea total of having him rune farm, but he loves computers too much so its not punishment and he has been restricted off them til he gets caught up on his homework (decided at begining of december he wasnt doing any.. is still behind and its a new quarter now....). Not to mention he persevarates about them and is a budding wanna be hacker .... needless to say having him anywhere near sacred would be a bad idea especially with our new high speed connection... Last summer he set up a computer we though wasnt working and set up an internet connection on it and then posted his personal info all over it including address.

 

Its a small town on top of everything so my son is probably going to be a pariah at school and socially for a long long time. The bullies will jump on this and blow it up 10 times worse than it was. They have already tried to tag him as gay (hes not based on the way he drools over certain female classmates) and spread that around the school and a few other major teasing incidents.

 

 

 

Sorry for rambling. Its been a long 2 days so far and my stress level is reaching critical so my ability to stay focused is now about nil. I've reached the "stop the world I wanna get off" mark.

[Erling 3]

o_O I have to agree this seems like a bit strong punishment, at my school it's more like ''just don't do it again''

...I suddenly got a bit more pleased about my own school, I wouldent make in on such a place

 

can't make him make some extraordinary excuse?... ''I saw a mosquito and wanted to mash it'' ? ...ok that was rather bad...

Edited April 8, 2008 by Erling

[myles 2]

I mean no offense, but this is normal healthy behavior for a kid. Perhaps all sides are reacting too strongly, and that cannot be good for the kids.

 

I know it sounds arrogant on my part, but trust me a boy who is naughty usually are more happy and optimistic in life. So long as the naughtiness does not turn into badness, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

[Totalimmortal 0]

Its a small town on top of everything so my son is probably going to be a pariah at school and socially for a long long time. The bullies will jump on this and blow it up 10 times worse than it was. They have already tried to tag him as gay (hes not based on the way he drools over certain female classmates) and spread that around the school and a few other major teasing incidents.

 

Sorry for rambling. Its been a long 2 days so far and my stress level is reaching critical so my ability to stay focused is now about nil. I've reached the "stop the world I wanna get off" mark.

 

mom, don't worry, about the rambling, we're here for you. good way to vent. about the bullies. bullies are definitely problems. if a child feels bullied, they will become socially inept, especially in a situation where there is predisposition to not fully understand social cues, such as a child with aspergers. I was bullied as a kid (a big LOL there for everyone... yes, I was a nerd and a geek... and still am... and everyone saw it) so I know where this will lead. it definitely leads for a rough transition from middle school to high school. after doing everything THE WRONG WAY, here are a few of my anti-bully suggestions. (I hope they work). 1) instruments. if your son wants to learn an instrument (I know it will be hard, but it's a gratifying experience in the long run) I think that is a good way to escape from troubles at school. even if he doesnt want to or cant learn an instrument, get him interested in music. music is a very very important and easy way to relax. after stressful situations at work, I just turn on some radio, and enjoy. its a good way to just let the bad things roll off your back. 2) any type of athletic activity. this is the most multi-purpose self bettering idea that I have =D. I suggest some form of Karate. (yes, I took it for like a year when I was 6 and then quit... no motivation. now I'm starting up again in a month and a half, and have the same sensei as I did 13 years ago). it teaches self-discipline, and increases self-confidence. my cousin with aspergers has very similar social issues as I'm sure your son is experiencing. in karate, he met quite a few friends, and found a great role model in his sensei. I think it's important to have a role model outside of your parents. 3) mom, DO NOT WORRY! things will be fine. your son already seems to be a computer whiz, so maybe set up a way for him to learn a programming language? anything constructive. I know times are tough in middle school and high school, especially with aspergers, but the future is bright for the lad.

 

have you talked to the parents of the lass since the incident? I think that if you can find a way to get them on the same page as you, I think they would see where you are coming from.

 

-Total

 

I mean no offense, but this is normal healthy behavior for a kid. Perhaps all sides are reacting too strongly, and that cannot be good for the kids.

 

I know it sounds arrogant on my part, but trust me a boy who is naughty usually are more happy and optimistic in life. So long as the naughtiness does not turn into badness, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

 

the problem with this myles, is that I don't think he was maliciously trying to have a little fun or anything. my cousin has aspergers, and I have a couple people that I encounter on a fairly regular basis (I'd like to consider them friends) with aspergers as well, and they tend to act on their impulses with no reasoning behind it. I agree with you, but I think this situation was a little out of the ordinary, considering genenut's son has aspergers. I wouldn't consider his behavior naughty, I would consider it impulsive. the lack of social adeptness in many aspergers sufferer's lives make it difficult for them to grasp what's right and wrong, naughty and nice, and why certain actions are unacceptable.

if I am correct, the boy either felt guilty about his actions directly after them, or still doesn't grasp WHY his actions were unacceptable, he only knows that they ARE unacceptable. that seems to be a common trend in people who suffer from aspergers.

 

-Total.

[myles 2]

Oh don't get me wrong, he needs to learn to accept the consequence of his action that's for sure.

 

But when proper actions been taken, as it has been already in this case, I don't think further worry and discipline would be beneficial.

 

Impulsiveness itself is not such a bad trail. I have worked with special kids before, and one important thing I learned would be adequate and equal treatment. It is way harder for teachers and parents to teach, and for kids to understand and learn, if there's special dosage involve.

 

The degree of incentive is never equal to its effectiveness. And not to ruin the mood, if a particular incentive doesn't work, it doesn't. And if the incentive doesn't generalize, it doesn't.

 

A behavior itself shouldn't be treated differently when the participants changed. Differential treatment only leads to confusion and bias.

 

I'm being forward and honest, and again by no mean am I trying to offend and criticize.

[Totalimmortal 0]

A behavior itself shouldn't be treated differently when the participants changed. Differential treatment only leads to confusion and bias.

 

words of wisdom. very nice myles.

 

-Total

[Timotheus 416]

Ehm, 2 days is... Unthinkable here.

 

You know what I had experienced back in high school as a kid? Death threats. Would they give the kid suspension for that? I wish they would've, but they didn't. He got a warning... OK and was told he would get suspended/kicked off if he did it again. But NO suspension for the first time offence.

 

On a side note:

These days you hear a lot of 'Only in America' when news like this reaches Europe/the rest of the world. And yeah, I'm one of the people thinking that as well.

IMO, judges in USA should fine parents for taking things like this to court, and fine people for doing billion dollar lawsuits. I mean, come on, $2.86 million for a woman who burns herself with hot coffee? (I mean, yeah, there's no way you could know fresh coffee might be hot. *sigh*)

Edited April 9, 2008 by Timotheus

[Totalimmortal 0]

I mean, come on, $2.86 million for a woman who burns herself with hot coffee? (I mean, yeah, there's no way you could know fresh coffee might be hot. *sigh*)

AHHH! HOT COFFEE? UNHEARD OF! =P... some people are morons...

 

-Total

[Genenut 8]

alas this child lacks even a sense of self preservation

 

he used safe mode to circumvent the system log on password on my computer to play on my system. I just spent the last 45 minutes removing punkbuster from where he installed it today and tried to play guildwars and cod online.

 

Anyone know how I can prevent him from using safemode to circumvent the log on password feature of windows xp?

 

Baring that the offer of indentured servitude is still up for grabs... I'll even ship him to you for free .... complete with gags and handcuffs ...

 

Total - would member of your departments dare program talk with him about how ILLEGAL what he did the last 2 days is? I'd like to get an idea if my local one would before I call up and ask *lol* And how much would/could they scare him,..... I'm talking like putting cuffs on him and putting him in the back of the cruiser for the talk kinda scare ...

 

*sigh* this child does not have good odds of living to see 14 at this rate ....

Edited April 9, 2008 by Genenut

[Funkilicious 1]

alas this child lacks even a sense of self preservation

 

he used safe mode to circumvent the system log on password on my computer to play on my system. I just spent the last 45 minutes removing punkbuster from where he installed it today and tried to play guildwars and cod online.

 

Anyone know how I can prevent him from using safemode to circumvent the log on password feature of windows xp?

 

Maybe a Bios Password?

 

Enter a BIOS boot password

In addition, you can make your PC require a password before it will boot, usually referred to as a "boot password" or a "system password." As before, look through your BIOS setup program to find the appropriate option. In nearly every case, after you've set up your PC with a BIOS boot password, you won't need to do anything else to protect it

Edited April 9, 2008 by Funkilicious

[gial 2]

Funki has it -- you need a power on password so you can't even bypass the login. The power on pass is required to start up - or to enter the BIOS config - so you can't turn it off. But lock the case, too. If the CMOS battery is removed the BIOS "forgets" and starts without protection.

[Totalimmortal 0]

they're right. BIOS password is the only way to go... its a shame though, I don't really like em, and you're screwed if you forget it. haha he plays COD? sweet sweet. (next decade when he gets off restriction, tell him the 2xS rifles Only Server is where it's at =P) but yeah, we got bios pws in our mobile units in our cars.

as for dare, they're more drug related. if you live in a small town, I think you can befriend an officer (ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA)... and have him just have a stern talking to on the young lad. that might work. good luck mom!

 

-Total

[Funkilicious 1]

BIOS password is the only way to go... its a shame though, I don't really like em, and you're screwed if you forget it.

 

Not really, as soon as the battery is removed from the computer the password is forgotten, exactly why Gial mentioned to lock the computer case.

Edited April 10, 2008 by Funkilicious