Too much...

[Arilaftia 0]

Well The last month has been true hell around here so Ill share the light side of it, I know several have been wondering whats up so I do apologize for not saying anything for so long.. Much Ive had to deal with alone and found that I cant handle this alone without locking myself in that padded room.

 

My mom.. has been diagnosed with a form of cancer that is quite aggressive.. its a singular tumor that takes up her jaw and tongue...Um.. the surgery option is unspeakable.. so she is going through chemo first over the next couple months then the radiation. Her first treatment was a week ago.. she was doing very well until her system crashed and was in icu for all of this past Saturday till tomorrow.. I hope she goes home tomorrow.. She is better but for the pain in her jaw

I went to help her today with stuff.. Helped her comb her hair... it came out in my hands

 

The other part of hell I cant really speak about yet.. but I will say that I treasure my friends who have been there for me to cry on and talk to.. I dont know where I would be right now without them.

 

I can share some uplifting note though.. her neighbors have been wonderful..

I went up to her home today to get her a few things and found something that just stopped me in the drive.

A neighbor had set up an outside screen house with her comfy lawn chair , table and everything on her deck. (I just couldn't get a chance to do it) This is her favorite thing, growing up my brother and I would call it her mommy cage.)

when I saw it up.. I just cried, I cried so hard that someone went beyond themselves to help another find a little peace of normalcy.. I havent seen that in so very long.. I cant wait till she sees it. a huge hug for the soul.

 

ahhhh ok... um ya so.. well..

 

Hugs guys..

 

~Ari

 

 

 

 

[Knuckles 904]

I've been sitting trying to figure out what to write but I'm drawing a blank. Cancer is a scary thing and my prayers go out to your mom. She must be one wonderful person to have friends like them. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do other than listen and let you know you're cared about. Anytime you feel the need to talk we're always here. So sorry that all this has happened.

 

All I can say is I wish the best for you and your family and hope everything turns out o.k.

 

Sincerely (with a big hug)

Robb

[Timotheus 416]

Same here. It's hard to have someone close to you get cancer, one of my granddads got cancer, and the father of a friend of my sister died of it as well.

It's hard to write something uplifting when you are confronted with things like that, since it really hits where it hurts...

All the best to your mother Ari, and stay strong

[gogoblender 3,070]

Ari, as I was saying to you before, cancer has been in my family as well, and with lots of support from our family, my aunt was able to beat this. That story of your neighbors is exactly the kind of caring that's needed, and you're blessed to know such good people. I'm sure you're taking care of your mom, and you've got energy that never stops. Keep faith and courage, keep up spirits.

 

 

That's two hugs now, lots of love, pizza and an ear if you ever need one.

 

 

gogo

[Genenut 8]

Some of you know just how horrible my parents can be (they are toxic abusive parents though at times they have been better than others). At one point I was living with my grandparents in CT. I lived with them for 6 years. the summer before I started high school with them my grandmother was diagnosised with ovarian cancer. I dont know what stage but based on what they did tell me about the treatment (very agressive) and what I know about how long she ignored the signs before seeing a doc I would have to guess stage 3 (there are 4 stages, 1 being earliest and easiest fought, 4 being just about terminal). I watched my grandmother who had lived through the depression, dropped out of school at age 14 to support her mom and sisters, was a rooftop watcher during WW2, raised 3 kids and then put herself through college afterwards go from a vibrant active woman to a mere shell of her self. she lost 6 dress sizes in 4 months of chemo. I lost her in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. I cried more at her funeral than I will at my actual mom's death. I was her fourth child when it came right down to it.

 

If you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on just give me a hollar Ari... I unfortunately do know what this can be like both the good and the bad. *HUGS*

 

Find the local cancer support group, its not just for your mom but for you too... The hospital doing her chemo should be able to get you the contact info.

 

As for the other issues - help your self , start a diary. Document the strange things and such with when and what. If what you think is true but dont want to face now (which I perfectly understand) the diary will help later to resolve things as you wont have to remember, it will be written down. at the very least sometimes putting it on paper gets it out of your head so you can "forget" about it for a while *hugs*

 

Dont be a stranger.... or any stranger than we all are *g* ... We're all here for you ...

[tomi 0]

Ahh Ari! So sorry that happaned. Wish everything will be okey soon and stay a strong, lovely family.

 

All we can do is to hope, to love, and to stay with you. I've prayed for you and your mom.

 

Ohh the cancer. It's just that too many ppl have cancer. Yesturday I've got rumors of 3 people who have cancer. 3 ppl in one day! Horrible!

 

Ari! Big, re-power hugs, and tell us if you need just anything! Never forget! We are here!

 

[toret 0]

It's hard when loved ones get ill. I wish you and your family the best Ari.

[FrostElfGuard 9]

One of the things I have found that comforts me in dealing with my older relatives is to talk to them about the happy days... the times we share that made us proud, happy, or just smile.

 

If she can have access to a dog (she clearly shouldn't be expected to take care of one right now), it would help her a lot. Dogs provide an enormous emotional support system---this is coming from a cat person by the way...

 

Happiness is a great defense against cancer.

 

I know you love her... let her live in love and she'll have quality time... and she might beat the cancer. A friend's mother was put in the terminal ward... but survived the experience. Never give up hope!

[erialc 2]

Really sorry to hear this Ari, keep safe and strong. You and your Mom sound like you have a wonderfully supportive group of people around you. Genenut's advice with the diary and support group is spot on.

 

[TelariTurunen 0]

I remember my Grandma had breast cancer about 6 years ago.

Now she's all right, although a few years back it seemed really not good.

 

I wish the best for you and your family big hugs.

[Arilaftia 0]

thank you guys so much.. somedays I feel im just going to just explode... thank you for the release and all the support. I cant tell you how much it means.

 

[stubbie 21]

Such a hard time for you to be going through Ari, my thoughts and best wishes go out to you and your mum.

 

It's wonderful that your neighbours think so highly of your mum to put that outdoor setting up.

People can be their best when misfortune enter the lives of people they love.

 

Tough times, I hope things turn out for the better soon.

 

stubbs

[Katran 0]

I have said it before I will say it again you are in our thought Ari stay strong if anyone can you can. and we are here for you 24/7 there is always someone here for you to vent out the bad feelings!

[podgie_bear 184]

My Father-in-Law developed cancer of the bladder and underwent numerous treatments. Eventually they infected the tumour with TB in the hope that it eat away the cancer. It was partially successful but it ate away the bladder too. However they removed part of his intestinal tract and used it to build a new bladder for him. Despite some setbacks and problems adjusting to certain drugs, he is now in full remission, thank God. Two years ago my wife thought she would never see her father again (she is American and all her family are still there), but in September we are going over to the states to visit him.

 

Don't ever give up hope, just pray and remember that it is not unbeatable.

[bhj 24]

[Totalimmortal 0]

ari, my gf's mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. she's going to be fine, but I understand what you're going through. times are scary and emotional. the dm family is here for you <3 much love!

 

-Total

[Arilaftia 0]

Oh Total... Can I ask you to be sure to do one thing?... Hold your gf, Be there for her no matter what she needs and just tell her you love her.. its horrible to watch your mom go through this but so much harder when the one you thought was there for you.. isnt.. So just show her how much you support her and love her.

[stargazer 0]

Ari my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. I understand all to well what you are going thru. In December 2002 my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer and sadly I lost her in April 2003. Luckily I had and still have the most wonderful husband who was there to support my mom and myself thru the whole ordeal. There are those that beat the dread disease so "chin up", stay strong, and live your time together as you would were this not happening, as this is the time that "normalcy" is one of the important things. Cancer hurts to all involved but by continuing in as "normal" a fashion as you can thru this, gives the days a lasting quality that will forever be with you. Stay strong, but don't bottle every thing up as that will bring you more pain, crying/venting is NOT a sign of weekness but a sign of strength in times such as you are going thru now. Know that we are here for you to let off steam with, both the good and the bad.

 

My prayers are with you,

Angel

[Lord of the North 10]

We are thinking of you. You know Dawn and I are here for you to vent to. And if we were just a little closer we would have been in our car and knocking on your door to give you an ear to bend and a shoulder to lean on. We are here for you and you and your mom are in our hearts.

[Spock 271]

... My mom.. has been diagnosed with a form of cancer that is quite aggressive ...

 

I know what it's like to loose someone and it's no fun. At least I didn't have to sit there and watch them go until my mother died.

 

My favorite grandmother (the only one I knew) died while I was onboard a ship off SE Asia back in 1966. My father died 10 August 2004 of a stroke. My mother died 24 September 2006. I think she was just in waiting mode as she felt she had nothing left to live for. I wish at least my parents were still here.

 

One thing you might consider is something that helped me somewhat. I created a "Remember Them" type topic in my forum and asked everyone who knew them to post remembrances. I learned things about my father that I had never known. Unfortunately, my mother had moved shortly after my father died and I didn't know any of her friends, so her "Memorial" is a little sparse.

 

If you do something similar, you might be surprised at what you learn about her from her friends. If you're fortunate, you will be able to show it to her while she's still able to appreciate it. An added plus is that it will still be there after she's gone to give you some poor comfort.

 

The only consolation I can gie is that, though you will never forget, the pain does get bearable after a long enough exposure. I don't think it gets any less but you get used to it being there. I can go entire days now without thinking of my parents ... and the fact that technically I'm now an orphan.

 

I hope she has a full recovery and that all this is a scare for no reason other than to remind you how special your family is to you.

 

Best Wishes.

[ganto 0]

Oh ari, I feel so for you and your mum

 

Just send me a mess whenever and Ill come running

 

[Silearth 6]

Ari, I've lost a few members of my family the last few years and nearly lost my mother. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother.

[Funkilicious 1]

Prayers and thoughts are with you Ari, this is also a close subject to my heart.

[Schot 407]

Oh Ari. I just wish there was something I could type to make it all better. This is one of those experiences that only time can mend and its these times that are so tough and exhausting. I don't have many words sadly though I can say that I feel for you and even relate somewhat. My father fell from ALS some time ago. I did actually post about it here on the forum actually so if you'd like to read it feel free to ask or just have a look through the daily grind. I'd put a link but I don't want to put things out of perspective. Off topic. Ok, maybe kind of weird for me to suggest you read my experience but I'm thinking maybe there is something in it that you might take from.

 

I'm so sorry for the 2nd hell... What a terrible time to be discovering such a thing. If I could make a quick suggestion though it would be not to try and tackle both hells at the same time. That's just too much. Take care of your mom first, (Only as best you can but you must take care of yourself too! Don't burn yourself out.). When the time is right and you can focus on hell #2 then take it on. Then again, by the time Hell #1 finishes #2 may resolve itself.

 

I can imagine how hard it must be right now to maintain a clear head so be careful when making final decisions.

 

BIG time hugs at you Ari. There's a place in my heart and thoughts reserved just for your mom and you.

 

Have courage. Be brave.